Life's a mess.

kelleighxnicole

I've never posted over here, but I lurk constantly and can relate to so many of you. I have been having a really rough couple of years, and I have no support system except for maybe one or two people that I barely see/talk to. So, here goes.

I'm pregnant right now with my third child. My first two are with someone I split with in February that I was with for six years, we were friends since junior high, and it hurt a lot to make him leave -- but he struggled with addiction and I couldn't financially or emotionally afford living with him any longer. So, he's back at his parent's house, and I live at the apartment with my two kids.

I was vulnerable after our relationship ended, but I also wanted to find someone who'd respect me and not walk all over me as he did, so I was open to meeting someone new - and I met someone, though he wasn't new, he was a mutual friend of ours -- and also my neighbor.

We hit it off and he was someone my kids already knew and loved, and he was great with them. We did all sorts of things together that my ex and I never did because he was too wrapped up in his own problems. It was nice.

But now, almost five months after seeing eachother, I'm just feeling really indifferent towards him. I am pregnant with his child. I feel obligated to stay with him as I don't want to get an abortion or give up the baby. But I genuinely just don't want to. Why? He's very immature. He is 24, his mom and dad give him all his cigarettes, or I buy them, he has no license, has his mother fill out his job applications, sleeps until noon, and has no income. The only reason I ever excused that was because he has always helped me out a great deal around the house and with my two kids and dogs. But now that I'm pregnant, I feel like there's a giant clock ticking over his head waiting for him to snap out of the childishness and grow up. He's a sweet person, so if he could shape up and be mature, then I'm sure we could be a family. I just don't see him as ever turning into a responsible person, and I am extremely worried about that.

I don't know, the thought of raising three kids alone is scary, but not half as scary as being the only one pulling my weight around here.

Anyone have any input on this?