Newbie

ladybugsmum

I am just writing on this board in hopes of meeting some ladies in a similiar situation. Currently, I am still in the relationship but I have recently found out a lot of things that just keep eating away at me. I don't really have anyone I can talk to because I don't want anyone to dislike my boyfriend for the things he is doing/saying. (I feel pathetic for even typing that).

Anyways, up until the beginning of August, everything has been great between SO and I. Both agreed we were meant to be together and extremely happy. After that, I am not sure what happened. He went from telling me he would marry me tomorrow to not even really looking at me.

I began to get suspicious so I started asking questions about whether or not he is still happy or attracted to me. He insisted I overreact and that it seems like I am the one that is miserable. HELLO! IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE HOTTEST SUMMER EVER AND I AM FAT!!!! Yes, I am miserable but not in our relationship. I try to explain this but it's like he doesn't understand.

About 3 weeks ago, we went camping and I noticed a dating app on his phone. Of course, when he was asleep I hacked into it. I never felt so hurt in my life. He was actually telling other women how beautiful and sexy they are. Now I am so obsessed with getting on this account to see what he does. He even went as far as to getting a prepaid card and hiding it from me to pay for this stupid site.

I have dropped subtle hints to him about this stuff. For instance, one night I said "that would be like the lowest of the low for a man to cheat on his pregnant girlfriend." Or when I found the little wrapper the prepaid card in, I asked what he needed a prepaid card for. He lied and said it wasn't his.

I am driving myself mad with this and what makes it worse is that ever since I dropped those hints, he went back to his normal self around me trying to play it off like nothing is wrong. When he gets around his friends and he thinks I am not in hearing distance, he talks about how I make no money and haven't bought anything for the baby yet. Meanwhile, he's been saving money like crazy, bought the crib, paint and stuff for the babies room. Yeah, I make hardly any money but why would  I even buy anything before my shower anyways???

Sorry this is so long, I guess I really just needed to vent. I feel depressed anymore and anyone that knows me knows this isn't the person I am. And I am scared to confront him because I don't want to be alone in the delivery room. I have never felt so scared and helpless in my entire life. And to be honest, I know I am making this worse for myself but I don't know what to do about anything anymore.