End of my rope

mel825

Hi everyone. I'm a long time member, but just can'tpost with my regular account. I guess I'm scared to put it out there incase by some miracle we work things out. My H and I are in a very bad place. We fight everyday. He's done things to hurt me for years, but never apologizes or admits when he's wrong. We've been married for 4 years and have a one year old son and I am 3 month pregnant. We talk to each other horribly. I used to be a care free, happy, light hearted, confident, funny person- very positve. Now I'm so heavy all of th time. I live three hours away from my family (I moved to NYC and then a bit further when I met him) and just feel so lonely without family and with a man that I'm not connected with anymore. 

Ugh, I don't know where to start. He's an attorney and ALWAYS has to be right. Even if  something bothers me, he argues another side. I say black and he says white. I'm at home right now (SAHM)and he works from home-it's a nightmare. The plan was for me to go for a second degree in nursing after LO 2 is born (apply for Fall 2013), which would be a dream, but don't think I can bare it that long. We fight constantly. The other morning he started putting me down about going back to school, basically telling me how hard it gonna be and I have to really want it and it sgonna be hard with two babies, and I'll have to not watch tv, and study-I'm like WTH??? I got so upset and it was the last straw. I don't feel that special connect I should feel with my H. I'm devastaed because I can't imagine my babies growing up without their Daddy, and afraid no man will love them the same. It's not fair. BUT, seeing us fight everyday is much worse. Either we're icey, civil or fighting. This morning he asked if I missed the affection and I do, but not from him with acting this way (which he has for most of the relationship I guess). I'm taking a couple of classes right now (retaking to get close to a 4.0 and up my chances for getting into the nursing programs). I don't know if I should withdraw, and put it towards surviving, getting an apartment, etc. I have some savings and a degree, but would be looking for employment at 3.5 months pregnant. Any advice? I'm so torn, and sad. I can't talk to my family or friends.