Did anyone else go through this? (Total emo post)

jfoster04

So I was looking at my month board, and some of the ladies are talking about how they are TTC, or how LO#2 is doing. Please don't get me wrong. It makes me so happy to see how thrilled these ladies are and it's exciting to see people that I "know" go through something that we all went through together, but my monster is an only child. I am #3 of 4 kids and I can't immagine what my life could have been with out my 2 sisters and my late brother. Like just this morning, I got a text from my older sister that was super supportive, just out of the clear blue sky. As kids, and now as adults, My sisters were my best friends (when we weren't pulling eachother's hair out). The day that my brother passed was one of the single worst days of my life, but I have so many memories of him that sometimes I forget that he is gone. Sometimes I talk about him like he is still here, but it's been like 5 years sense he passed. He helped make me the woman that I am.
I feel so guilty. Am I letting my monster down? I mean by his being an only child? I feel like his life would be so much different if he had a little brother or sister.
I have always seen myself a a mother of several kids, and now I am not sure that I want anymore. I am "seeing" someone, taking it slow and all, and he has mentioned in a casual way that he does want to have kids.... so that's good, but I guess I am just living in today and trying not to think about "tomorrow" with him.

This is just what everyone calls one of the "not so good days", right?

 PS- today would have been my 4th Anniversary, so I think this is partially an emotional rambling. Thanks for reading.