frustrated and confused vent!?

tiff200710

Ok so I have posted before about the soon to be father of my child. Well we were not together and we got a surprise. He has been to 1 of my 4 doc appointments and I am 19 weeks 6 days. He was to the first one because "he needed to make sure there was a baby there"- to confirm for his mother. Well he doesnt ask me how they go or anything except last weeks. He didnt even try to get off work or switch shifts becuase he had a meeting for one of his hobbies...  I had a u/s and they did the mesurements and we were supposed to find out what it was. (thinking girl)  I was stunned because its kind of an important appointment and his social life and hobbies are more important. he texted me 3 days later asking how it went, I told him I need to go back for another u/s becuase they didnt get all the measurements because of how the baby was laying... all he said was "ah ic"- end of conversation.. He didnt ask if we found out what it was or even ask when I need to go back. I am confused because he says he wants to be there for all the appointments and wants 50/50 (because he cant afford child support) and I dont trust him and he hasnt proven anything to me except he cant grow up and his life is more important than his childs.. I am thinking that i dont want to be part of it - only because he is not ready and refuses to grow up- at the same time I want to give him a chance , But i dont trust him or who he will hand the child off too when  he just decides to go out or whatever... he is not a planner and makes last min decisious unless its his hobbies..which he will not interfere with. Am I being selfish that i dont want to invite him or his family to the baby shower or even for delivery?? things may change but I am half way through and I have previous health issues and he doesnt seem to much care. The only thing he is worried about is "cant afford child support" Idk how to take this... I feel like he is more worried about losing his hobbies and money more than raising a child. Im scared and I am just not sure how to take this. please help?? sorry for the rant its been a long 4 1/2 months lol. Keeping my head up tho!