Starting to see reality

pinitbaby

I'm a single mom of 3 (ages 13, 10 and 7) but my oldest lives with his dad 4hrs away and i have a baby girl on the way for end of september possibly. my baby's father is who is not the father of my other 3 (they have the same dad and we were together 13 yrs) had a change of heart and cheated/gave up/got scared/kicked us out whatever you wanna say about 6 weeks ago only to start a new relationship with some skank the very next day before i even got our stuff out of his house. I was very angry and told him i didn't want him there when she was born and he didn't have to be in her life. He has not even tried to contact me whatsoever.

This past week i've done sooo much thinking and i've realized how scared and annoyed that i'm doing this alone. Its not the parenting that bothers me, Ive been doing that on my own for almost 3 yrs now..its the fact that this man laid down to make a baby with me and hes just gone like the wind. This baby was made out of love and we knew i was going to get pregnant. it just baffles me how a man can switch his feelings off the way he did. I don't even know if he will try to show up when I go in to have her and i don't know how I will react if i see him as it was physical the last time I saw him-I punched him in the face. I've just been feeling scared that i will most likely be alone during labor and the birth, i don't want my mom there. I have a good relationship with her but she just tends to make things worse sometimes and I just can't handle it. i have no friends here, i have one that i made when we lived with him but shes a half hr away now and she has 2 young kids and I don't know if she would be able to make it. i do still talk to his sister and sis in law, they have been supportive but i don't know if it would be weird.

I really am trying to see the bright side and the positives but there are moments where I find myself thinking too hard about this and i feel just lost