shower guest list étiquette

psychmusetls

My mom and MIL are throwing my shower.  By my request we are keeping it simple - and my MIL offered her house.  Well....She is starting to freak out about numbers.  Guest list head count is 84 - BUT I already know for a fact that 21 people won't be able to come (out of state family and friends but some I still feel obligated to send an invite even though they can't come).  

50 people would be perfectly manageable in her house.  I'm sure that 10 more people other than the 21 I already know would RSVP no.

Here's where she's making me feel awkward.  She called me this morning and said she wants to cut DH's first cousins off the list.  There is a huge generation gap, and he doesn't know them very well, but I would think that the decision to come or not should be up to them.  I've been invited to some of their showers, but all of the weddings that have occurred since DH and I have been together.  This is what makes it more awkward, MIL says that we can still invite the first cousins that we want there.  Isn't that a bit insulting?  AND even worse, MIL called one of DH's aunts yesterday to ask her opinion if she thought all the first cousins would want an invitation and she said YES.  SO for my MIL to hunt down their addresses and then not invite them is tacky IMO.  

And on my side- I have second and third cousins invited that honestly would be seriously insulted if they weren't invited.  You know how Italians can be :P 

The guest list break down is about 25 from my side, 25 friends, and 30+ from DH's side. 

I know this is a large number, but we are so blessed to have such amazing friends and family that have been in our corner through 5+ years of IF....we want to celebrate with them. I would hate not to include anyone... 

WDYT??? 

 

EDIT - I just wanted to add that I did suggest having 2 showers, a family shower and a friend shower, but my MIL said absolutely not.   This is causing me so much stress.  I'm not supposed to have to worry about this