Am I being unreasonable? (regarding ILs, long)

pb_bride

Feel free to tell me what you think; I won't get offended.

Preamble: the actual issue hasn't come up yet, but I wanted DH & I to be on the same page in case this comes up.

My mom has told me that she won't be coming for LO's birth - she says she won't be of any help anyway.  That's fine by me if she doesn't want to come; she's older (70), doesn't drive, and lives 4 hrs away by plane.

My ILs live 3 hrs away by car.  I don't think they know yet that my mom isn't coming.  I am worried that my ILs will offer to come "help" right after the birth esp when they find out my mom won't be here.  I like my ILs but it's just not the same as my own parents, you know?  My family is very relaxed and open- we just say what's on our minds.  However, ILs are polite and proper, so I can't say what's on my mind.  Although we will have room for them to stay (we have a 3BR/2BA condo), I feel like if they come and stay with us right after the birth, they are going to add stress to me.  All I know is that I'll be exhausted from BF'ing/changing diapers every 2-3 hrs, and the last thing I want is extra ppl in our house and I have to be polite and proper! I know my MIL won't mind cleaning and cooking, but DH can do that too! 

I brought this issue up with DH and he was initially upset with me.  He thinks I should be grateful for any help I'm offered, esp in the first weeks.  He also doesn't think his parents' staying here will add any more work for me.  We argued a bit and I basically just told him that I think I'll be more stressed if they stay with us, so he finally gave in.  But I know deep down, he doesn't like to say "NO" to his parents and worries that he'll hurt their feelings (that I'm "pushing them away" were DH's words).

I told DH that if ILs want to come, they can stay with my sis-in-law who lives nearby (20mins by car), and they are welcome come over to visit for a few hours every day.  I just can't imagine them staying with us. 

As I said, the issue hasn't come up yet.  Since my discussion with DH a few days ago, I'm now wondering if I am being too unreasonable?  Should I just gracefully accept ILs' help if they offer to come help and let them stay with us?

Sorry this is getting so long.  One more sticky issue:

My EDD is 10/31.  Our usual T'giving custom is drive to ILs' place (3-hr drive) and stay for a few days.  It's a small gathering there.  I don't think I'll be up for it this year.  When I told DH about this, he said we can invite everyone to come to OUR place for T'giving!  I dunno - do you think it's doable if every one else is doing all the cooking and cleaning up?