mom vent (it's super long and I'm sorry)

gogadgetgo

Let me first say that I have a pretty good relationship with my parents.  They've been very supportive and I've never been wanting for anything in my life.  We aren't super close.  I call my mom if I need a sympathetic ear but there's always been something missing.

I'm also lucky in that my parents are willing to travel and rarely ask us to visit them.  I have no other family where they live, and my brother lives near me, so this often makes the most sense.

Now here's the problem:

Whenever my parents come visit, they always make plans to stay longer than they originally stated.  If they want to come for a weekend, it's 5 days.  A week is 10 days.  They always say that they'll break up the visit by going on a day trip or overnight but that never happens.  They also rarely spend time with just my brother (if they don't stay in a hotel, they stay with me).

The current issue involves C's birthday.  Both my parents and MIL are coming out for his party.  The party will be on a Sunday.  When they were out in June, DH and I said we would like for the parents to split the weekend, with one set coming Wed/Thurs/Fri and leaving Monday and the other coming Saturday and leaving whenever.  This way everyone could enjoy the party and then we would have some one-on-one time to spend with each parent.  We said my parents could choose which half of the weekend they wanted.   

When something came up with DH's work schedule and I called my parents to let them know that we wanted MIL to come out on the 2nd shift, they told me that they had booked their ticket and things probably couldn't be changed.  They ended up booking Thursday to Tuesday, which wasn't at all what we discussed. I know we told them that they could originally choose.  What bothered me was that they never told me they actually booked it or double checked to make sure this was ok.  Even after we had a similar issue with previous trips where they book first and tell later.

I called my mom yesterday to voice my frustration about all of this and I thought we had a pretty civil conversation where I said I understood that this current trip was set but in the future I needed them to verify their plans before they actually booked. Everything sounded kosher.

Today she calls me to talk about this again and she keeps saying she doesn't understand what the big deal is about sharing the weekend and that everyone could have time with C.  I finally laid out everything that was bothering me about this (everything I've stated above) and my mom starts crying.  Then I have to go back on the defensive to make her feel better.  She's really really good about making me feel guilty about voicing my opinion and not going with what she wants.

I always try to make everyone happy, almost to a fault. I'm tired of walking on eggshells around her, trying to make everything ok.  She gets really bent out of shape when she doesn't get her way.  

Ugh.  At least it's been said.  Hopefully she's taken what I've said to heart and things can change.

If you've made it this far, here's some cookies and booze for you: