First post - Bird's nest custody arrangment?

sgrl

Hello everyone. I guess I'm just going to jump right in. I've been with my STBXH for a little over ten years, married 8.5. It's never been an easy marriage, and we've finally reached the point where we are going to divorce. We are getting along fine, there's just no trust - he has cheated on me before (he was drunk, confessed, remorseful), but still has poor boundaries with other women and I can't deal with that, and he can't deal with my "insecurity."

Our daughter is 2, she'll be 3 in October. He wants 50/50 custody. I can handle the thought of divorcing, but being away from her half the time might kill me. He's a good dad though, a very good dad.

We're talking about doing a bird's nest custody arrangement, and we want to put in a clause that says the "off" parent can come over to the "nest" until a set time in the evening to visit. That way we'd both get more time with her, and I think we can get along well enough to keep the peace. We feel like it would be good for her to have a "home base" while she's still so little, and put the burden of shuffling back and forth on us (we'd maintain her residence, which would either be our current house (probably not as it would be too expensive), a smaller house or condo, or a 3 BR apartment, in addition to a 2BR apartment for the "off" parent, in which we'd each have our own bedroom/space).

Does anyone here do anything similar to this? My friends think I'm absolutely insane for even considering this arrangement. I don't doubt that my STBXH and I could get along, but I worry that we might actually be making things more confusing for her in the long run . . . don't know if I make sense at all. This is so hard.