Need to vent a little (sorry)

grbnik

Agh!  I have had a really bad 5 months.  My DD is such a great little kiddo, she laughs, smiles, is almost crawling and has a little tooth.  She is the light of my life (along with my DS, of course!).  But, she is still struggling with her eating.  She is 7 months old.  She started these problems when we went to the bottle at 9 weeks, when I went back to work.  She then started refusing all forms of eating.  We upped her Prevacid to 15 mg (7.5 mg twice a day) and she continues to go to daycare from 8-5.  She refuses solids (cereal or any veggies, fruit), even though I keep 'practicing' with her almost daily (she gags on most, or flat out refuses them/spits them out).  She is such a lovely girl, until I try to get her to eat.  Then, we get a screaming mess.  3 weeks ago she developed her second ear infection.  I asked for something other than Amox, since we had to give her so much (I think 5 mls at a time) for the first infection.  So, Ped put her on Augmentin (3 mls).  Well, she had to take 20 doses, and out of those, she threw up 5 of them.  We would have to try to redo it with her, and it was such a mess.  We then went to laying her flat, and trying to get it in her, in which she would throw up a bit of a few doses, but swallow it again.  It was too much for me.  On the last week of it, we asked the doc what we could do and they halved the dose.  On the last day of the meds, we called and pleaded with the Ped because she still wasn't having any of it, and he said not to bother with the last 1.5 mls.  Then, last Sunday, she and I developed the worst flu I have ever had.  I was out of work, sick with DD, from Monday-Thursday.  I never take that much time off from work.  We both had fevers on Sunday and Wed.  I had body aches and chills.  I couldn't eat a thing, and was losing my supply a little.  Finally went to Urgent Care, and they tested me for strep and mono, but came back that I just had the flu and tonsilitis (got a ZPac).  But, during all of this, DD was feeling miserable too, so I was up all night with her, and tried to get her to eat (DH had to take care of DS and still work, so I didn't want to bother him too much, but he was up with me most of the time, trying to help with certain things).  DD has had bad diarrhea for 3 weeks (which is another reason why Ped halved her Augmentin).  On Wed, we took her back to Ped, and she still has an ear infection, so she got shots of Rosephin, and back again yesterday for more Rosephin shots.  She goes back in today, to see if she needs the last round of shots.  She throws up Tylenol and Advil, so we can't give her anything to ease the pain.  I asked the Ped about the suppository Tylenol, and now I am just searching around to find it.  All through this, she has been eating worse than normal (and, normal is 11-16 oz).  She has gone days with eating as little as 6 oz.  I try forcing milk and Pedilyte in her, and it is just awful.  She screams and ends up spitting most of it out, or will gag on it.  I take the dropper and try to get some in, but she usually lets it run out of her mouth (and, I don't think they can do that at the center she goes to, it takes a lot of time, and it is not very effective). I am so worried about her kidneys, and what this is doing to them.  She does do a little breastfeeding at night (not every night) and my DH and the Ped think she is getting much from that, but it is literally 4ish times, at 30 secs-1 min usually a time.  I can't see her getting more than 4 oz at night, but maybe a little more.  I know it isn't 20 oz, and that is what I want!  I just am having such a hard time, struggling with trying to get her to eat anything, and worrying about what effects this is having on her.  I am not sure if I need to talk to another specialist (she has seen a Ped GI specialist, but hasn't had any tests run or anything).  She is gaining weight (18 lbs 13 oz- gained 9 oz through this last 3 week ordeal) and has 1-3 sopping wet diapers a day and 3 or so meagerly wet diapers (like, 1-2 tablespoons in each) and 1 dirty diaper a day.  It usually is mucusy, even though I cut dairy out for 8 weeks now.  I did the elimination diet for 2 weeks, but stopped, because I heard that you should see a little difference, even though it may take up to 2 months to see full difference, and we saw nothing.  She would go in her peaks (15 oz one day, 10 the next, etc).  No rhyme or reason.  I know that I shouldn't compare to other kids, but even the Ped said yesterday 'I don't know how she is gaining so much with eating so little'.  Okay, that doesn't help me.  I don't know if I need to push for a huge workup on her, or what.  I don't want to do anything invasive, if the doctors aren't worried.  But, I am.  I know that I don't have a medical degree, but from everyone I have spoken with, research I have done, etc I have yet to find many people who have gone through this.  And, if they did, their kids were still getting more than mine, and not super fussy every time they eat (regardless of being sick).  Eating is like the worst stress we have.  She is good breastfeeding overnight, but, it is usually just a few sucks and then she falls back asleep until the next time she wants to do the same.  I have tried waking her to get her to eat more, and she has no interest (although, some nights she will suck straight through for almost a min or two).  I have tried feeding her during the day when she gets sleepy, or 'dreamfeeding' her, and it is hit or miss.  I guess I am very stressed because there is no consistency when or how much she will eat.  Some days she does good and some days she does crappy.  I know that she is sick now, so that is why she is in single digits, but, dear God, how long can she do that without causing major harm to her body? 

I know that no one will probably have an answer to this, I just needed to get it out.  I am thinking of seeing a counselor, because last night DH stated that I am obsessed with her eating, and it is putting a strain on our marriage, and my ability to parent my DS like I used to.  I am constantly trying to shove a bottle or my boob in her mouth when she is around me (well, about 70% of the time).  I feel that I am not able to enjoy this time in her life.  I feel like I am missing out on something that other parents don't have to give another thought to (like, having their kid be hungry).  I wish I had the problem of a low supply and having to supplement, because my kid was so hungry.  I would trade any day.  

I am starting to alienate my family and friends, because her eating is all I can focus on and talk about.  I am bringing it to work with me, and my work is suffering.  I call the Ped at least 2 times a week about it.  I have thought about getting a secondary opinion, but there are 6 doctors in my practice, who all say as long as she is having wets and dirties, it is just how she is going to be.  My Ped has been acclaimed as one of the best in my area, so I am not sure what anyone else would say (although, maybe it takes a 7th doctor to find something?).  

Thanks for those of you reading this, and sorry for the vent.  Hopefully tomorrow I will have something good to post.