Questions if you ruptured...

thefarmchick

I'm still having a hard time dealing with the after effects of having a uterine rupture. 

Baby #1: Pprom at 30 weeks. Emergency c-section under general because feet were coming out.
Baby #2: VBAC then I hemorrhaged but they were able to get it under control.
Baby #3: I was trying for a VBAC and ended up with a uterine rupture and c-section under general

After 3 less than ideal deliveries my OB highly recommended that we no longer have any children.  We live in a very rural area and it truly is a miracle that we survived the uterine rupture.  She says that she can't guarantee the outcome should it happen again, that they were barely able to save the baby and me and that my uterus will not support another full term pregnancy.

Everyone keeps telling me to count my blessings and that I have 3 healthy children and it could be worse. For the most part I agree with them. I am blessed we are all home happy and healthy.  But the abrupt end to my fertility and the fact that it is because MY body doesn't cooperate has left me feeling a guilty, empty, and sad.

My husband understands more than I thought he would and encourages "mourning" the loss.

I just wondered if anyone else has felt the same way? Did you lose your ability to have children after your rupture? How did/are you dealing with it?