So bummed

Thanthan

Hello all! Sorry to be whining about my low supply once again, but nobody seems to understand why I'm so bummed. I have been an EPer  since ds was a week old bc he did not seem to latch on to my large nipples so my SIL was an EPer so I became one too. I never really minded the pumping. I liked seeing how much he was eating and I had the freestyle so I did things while I was pumping. I produced about 55 oz and started dropping pumps at 12 weeks then 16 after researching when it was ok. Still maintained a good supply. Then at 5 months, AF came and my supply did a nosedive. I took fenugreek, mothers milk tea, rented a hospital grade pump, woke up in the MOTN, you name it. Nowvim down to practically nothing. My DH is supportive and keeps saying its not my fault, that he is happy and healthy and that's all that matters but I want to cry every time I buy formula at the store. I know there is absolutely nothing wrong with formula, so I don't know why I am so upset by this. I really warned to make it a year like my SIL did without a problem (she never even pumped in the MOTN not even in the first few weeks). I know everybody's different but I feel like a failure. I want him to have the best start in life possible and I can't give that to him. I am it sure why this happened. My SIL said I have really large nipples. The Medea x large flanges still are airtight around my nipples so maybe that's it? I feel guilty I didn't bf from the start maybe that's why? 

Does anybody have any positive stories about BFing or EPing the second time around that was more successful than the first!? I am not pregnant; just wondering. What did you do differently?

Is my feeling of being so upset normal or am I being hormonal ( that's another thing. AF is coming every 2 weeks. Emailed the doc yesterday). Thanks for listening once again.