Our adoption story :) (long)

bugandbibs

First, I should say that MH and I weren't married yet when we first got custody of Jacqueline, nor were we even thinking about kids yet.  The whole thing was unexpected.

Jacqueline was 2 when we first met, and living with her grandparents.  Traumatized, and scared of everything.  She was covered in a yeast rash from head to toe because her birth parents often wouldn't change her diaper for days.  She was terrified of water because they has tried to drown her twice, and when ever she cried they would spray her in the face with water.  Literally, when I would turn on the bathtub she would try and fight for her life.  It was heartbreaking, and gut wrenching.  The very first time we met, she crawled into my lap put her head on my shoulder and fell asleep.  I don't have words to describe how that felt.

I started off baby sitting her for respite care.  An afternoon, then overnight, then days at a time.  A couple of months later DHS became involved.  Unknown to us, her grandfather was a convicted child molester and wasn't allowed to have children under the age of 18 living with him.  I agreed to foster her, until decsions were made.  It became clear right away, that the state was going to terminate her parental rights and put her up for adoption.  It didn't even have to think about it, I knew that I was her mom.  MH (boyfriend at the time), sat down and talked about it.  I told him I was going to adopt her, and he had to make the choice now to be in or out.  It was a hard time for us, as he was still really young and in college.

At first, she always called me "Honey" because that's what MH called me.  When she started preschool, she realized that other kids used mom, so she started calling me "honey mama".  Even now, she sometimes calls me Honey and it brings me back and makes up for every single Moooooom, followed by an eye roll. 

We started therapy right away.  Small group play therapy with other toddlers, and family therapy.  We enrolled her in early intervention preschool.  We dealt with PTSD, general anxiety, seperation anxiety, and hyper vigilance disorder.  And we whispered all.the.time.  Loud talking/laughter scared her and she would freeze and cower afraid to move.

Termination was supposed to take about six months and adoption another 3.  They thought everything would be finalized in a year.  Except it didn't.  Bio dad's termination was easy, but her bio mom fought it for a while.  Then she went on the run from felony warrants, and things became more complicated.   Absentee parent terminations are harder, and the state has to prove they did everything they could to contact them.  3+ years, 6 social workers, agencies from 2 different states, countless meetings with lawyers and judges later, and pushing back our wedding twice, she was officially ours.  Finally.

I feel like I skipped a bunch, but I know this is crazy long already. Today, she is happy and healthy.  You can't tell her from any other kid in her class, except for that she is still willing to hold my hand with her friends around.