Thinking things through (long, advice welcome)

LuluP82

I've been married for almost 2 years (this coming May) and have a 2 month old. I posted on here back when I was around 12 weeks pregnant because my husband had turned into someone I didn't recognize.  I was seriously considering leaving him then because I was tired of the arguments (which quickly deteriorated into him calling me mean names and yelling). We reconciled, and things were good/better for awhile. Three weeks ago, though, we got into another argument and he not only verbally assaulted me but also grabbed my arm and pushed me. That was obviously not okay with me. He told me to take the baby and leave the house, so I did-- I drove 1000 miles away to my parents' house, and have been here since.

Since I left, he's enrolled in therapy and anger management. He wants me to come back and work on our marriage. I'm not sure what I want-- I know I don't want to live with someone who screams and yells and constantly criticizes me. I definitely don't want my son to grow up in a family like that.

At the same time, I feel guilty that I'm depriving my son of a "family" (mommy and daddy together, etc) without giving it my all. We've never been to counseling or anything, and now that he's proposing it, I feel like I'm the bad guy if I don't try. At the same time, how can I go back to a man who has so little respect for me? It's not so much the aggression itself, it's more the fact that he clearly thought it was okay.

I'm perfectly fine on my own. I'm a professional and have a good job with good benefits. I work at home and have a wondeful boss who is perfectly fine with me working from wherever. I know I can stay with my parents for a long time and save some money and then decide where to go next (perhaps closer to my son's father to encourage a relationship, though I'm not willing to go back to where we lived). Even if I were to get no child support or anything, we'd be fine.

But I was with my husband for 6 years. I obviously married him thinking he'd be a good husband and father. I do/did love him. I never thought I'd be a single mom, and the thought of having to share my son...Ugh. Also, a lot of things came out about my husband's family during my pregnancy. I am convinced they're all crazy, and I'm concerned about having my son around them without me to protect him from the crazy. I think my husband has deep issues from the way he was raised. I thought he had come to terms with things and realized how not normal it was, but when he started acting this way towards me, it made me re-think everything.

Legally, I know the longer I stay where I am, the more likely it is that a judge here will take my case if I decide to file for divorce (he can't file in my old state for a year, so I'm not concerned he'll beat me to the courthouse). I don't want to fight this out in my old state, because I don't want to be stuck living there, where I have no family and no friends.