Sanity Check Needed - Baby's Father

OrangeBird

I'm 7 months pregnant and hormonal and need some advice and a sanity check.  I met my baby's father a year ago, and we fell in love very quickly.  We ended up moving across the country together 3 months later.  I basically (foolishly) wiped out my savings to fund the move.  When we got there he re-connected with an ex and started spending time with her, once even staying overnight.  He tried to tell me it was just a friendship, but I was never comfortable.  I reached out to her to let her know he and I were living together and in a relationship, and she indicated he was making moves on her.  He tried to repair fences on both sides, but she walked away.  I stayed.

Around that same time I discovered through his internet history that he had been active on a dating website.  I confronted him and he said it wasn't what I thought it was; he just liked to chat online to feel good about himself.

While all this was going on, I met his ex-wife and their two kids.  He flirted with her in front of me and point-blank told me she would always come first because she had his kids.

I really considered leaving at that point (this was September) but I was so in love and really wanted to make it work.  Then in October I got pregnant (bc failure)...  He was okay with it at the time but had a major freakout in December.  We flew home to see our families for Christmas, but he later yelled at me for not putting his 2 kids first and spending money to see our parents instead of his 2 kids.  I caught him on a dating website (again) and he took his profile down.  But when I was out of town one evening he invited an ex-girlfriend over to our house.

As all this is going on he's telling me he loves me and wants to marry me but I'm struggling to believe it.  I don't believe he ever actually cheated because he would always come straight home from work to me and would call and talk to me on his way home.  I started breaking down in January struggling with severe morning sickness.  He wasn't very supportive; he still wanted me to fix him breakfast and lay out his clothes and gather his work things together.  I just wondered what kind of example I was setting for this baby.

In February I think I basically lost my mind.  I just picked up and left without warning and moved back to our hometown.  I continued to pay my share of rent etc. He got really ugly for a few weeks and then started trying to convince me to come back.  He's making a lot of promises about changed behavior, but I don't know if I can believe him.  At this point he wants me to at least come visit, but I don't feel comfortable traveling at 7 months and he doesn't understand that.  He is saying that he wants us to be a family, but in the same breath he will say that if i don't come back, he wants nothing to do with the baby because his resources are limited and his other kids come first.  I do understand his point that I'm not really making an effort right now, but I feel like I need to put the baby first right now and shouldn't be flying across the country.

He and I always had a good friendship and could talk for hours, but I don't know if I can trust him.  I'm afraid I'd go back and be trapped in a relationship that hasn't changed at all.  He says he loves me but that his feelings are diminishing every day.  He's really pushing for me to visit and to move back ASAP and says if I really cared I would at least come out for a week.  I just don't want to be away from my OB; of course there are doctors there but I don't want to risk something happening and being stuck out there on bed rest.  Is that crazy?

He's telling me that real couples work on their problems and don't just run away.  I admit I pretty much ran away, but was I really wrong in doing so?  I feel like no matter what his other two kids are going to come first; he's made it clear that there are priorities.

If I could move back and get my own place and we could start over, I think I would do it.  But if I move back, I would have to move back in with him for financial reasons, and there's no guarantee things would work out.  I kind of jumped into the deep end with starting this relationship, and going back I'd be jumping into the deep end again.  I've asked if he would consider moving back here to our hometown, but he's said it's too far from his 2 kids.

I just really need a sanity check here, ladies.  I just spent an hour on the phone with him and he's really good at making me feel like none of my arguments make sense, and then I start questioning myself, wondering if I'm making a big mistake that I'm going to regret for the rest of my life...  His argument is that if I loved him at all, I would recognize that he's hurting and at least come out to visit for a week.  I do love him, but I don't know whether I can or should trust him.  And the fact that he says he won't have anything to do with the baby if I don't come back really bothers me.  Doesn't that also say that if we were together the baby is going to come third after his other 2 kids?