how will you explain to your LO

kjohn091

So I am mostly a lurker  on this board,  but tonight I' ve just had a lot on my mind.

my 12 year relationship officially ended recently ( after a break up, get back together and counseling last year) I  got back with my ex last year bc i wanted this family to work so bad. I wanted to know I did everything I could to make it work. we did counseling for months. we did really well for a while but now its over. A cheater is always a cheater apparently. anyway, I am in the process of moving out of our home, we are selling it, and on my own I can only afford a one bedroom apartment. She will have the bedroom with her crib and I will sleep on the couch.

My real question is : I feel so guilty.  i feel like I failed her. All i ever wanted was for her to have a good childhood and a happy family life like I didn't. now she is going to be stuck in a tiny apartment with only me. I don't know how i will explain it when shes a bit older... why her dad and I are apart, why it didn't work, why things are the way they are. its like all the plans, and things I did for her as an infant ( her baby book, the pictures, her nursery, ect. ) I feel like they are somehow diminished or more sad to have bc they focus on me, her and her dad as a family. Whenever I see them I cry.

Im lucky bc he is a good dad( just a shi**y person) and is very involved with her, I guess I just hope thats enough. I hope she s young enough that she isn't too negatively affected by having a split up family. 

i'm not sure if there is a point here, I just have had all these thoughts in my head for weeks and I worry constantly about eing good enough for her. I just want her to be happy.    thanks.