Why do I even bother? (vent, long)

Babybear70

Why can't my mom just be happy? Why? I realize that she deals with depression and anxiety (which she only controls sporadically with Xanex when she says she needs it) but why does she take everything that I say TOTALLY out of context, and turn it around like I just flung an arrow at her? Like everything I say, do, have made a decision about when it comes to this LO is totally turned around and I'm made out to be the bad guy? I would give examples but lately there have just been too many to list.

One that really sticks out in my mind as of late is the fact that I was dealing with some stress at work on a shitty project and it was really screwing up my day. On top of that I was the middle man on trying to get my Mom and DH together so that he could get his hair cut. I sort of flew off the handle, barked at my Mom and said that the two of them needed to coordinate it that I couldn't do it. It all got straightened out, he got his hair cut and I texted her to say I was sorry that it was work related stress and not her. To most people that would have made the whole situation blow over, no problem. Not her! THIS WAS 2 WEEKS AGO AND SHE IS STILL HOLDING IT OVER MY HEAD!!!! Really?! WTF??

She says she doesn't know how she is supposed to feel or act about the idea of being a Grandma. She says "You say you are going to need help but what am I supposed to help with?" Like I can give her a list right now, not really knowing what I'm going to need help with because LO isn't even here yet? I'm just totally lost, confused, p!ssed off, sad, angry....all at the same time. Yes I'm on an emotional roller coaster, but she isn't making things any easier for me.

Then she says "well you just need to calm down with this whole stressing out thing because the last time you did this you lost one." Can you believe she said that to me? I love my Mom to death, I would do anything for her, she really is the only blood family I have left, but this is getting to be too much. And if I don't call her when I normally call her, she thinks I'm mad at her, regardless of whether or not I've been on the phone to anyone trying to get something taken care of. It is so complicated and all over the place....if you girls have read this far I love you to pieces for listening to me blather on. I'm just at a loss. As if growing a person isn't hard enough work, now I have to deal with an emotional basket case that I don't even know how to begin to help because apparently I'm part of the problem.

Thanks for letting me vent girls. I needed that!