2nd time moms- sprinkle? (long-ish)

MrsC17

Hi there- 

 I'm 20 weeks now and found out Friday we are having a boy (so excited!!)- my mom had previously mentioned having a sprinkle for us, but I told her I was wishy/washy about it.  Now that my mom knows we are having a boy (since we only have DD so far, so now we'll have one of each), she is insistent on having one.  I should mention that while other parts of the country may find this odd- sprinkles are totally normal here (I've been to 3-4 in the last few mos alone) so the "is it tacky?" question isn't really what I'm asking here.  I do have a *few* issues with this-

1). My mom insisted on hosting my baby shower (my MIL hosted our engagement party and my SIL hosted my bridal shower and she felt like it was "her turn.").  I felt bad because during the time I got married she was getting divorced from my Dad (a very long sordid tale not necessary right now), and felt like she missed out on a lot of the wedding fun, so I relented and let her plan the shower...which I ended up doing most of the planning for.  She begged me to first give her dates (no prob at all, of course), then she wanted my "input" on invitations (she ended up sitting and drinking wine while DH and I literally picked out the invites).  Then it was everything- and she literally did nothing but pay for it.  It's still a sore spot for me (the story is really much longer but I didn't want this to be a 5 page post) and I'm hesitant to let her "plan" anything for me ever again.

2). If any such sprinkle is planned, I want it to really be THAT- a sprinkle (not a shower).  I don't want a big fancy party, or a big party of any kind, literally just close family and my 3 best girlfriends (so about 10 people).  That, to me, is a sprinkle.  My mom and my MIL both tend to get carried away with invitations.  I guess I felt like the shower was really for "everyone" and a sprinkle (to me) would just be a fun mini celebrations with people who are a big part of my life- so I don't want DH's second cousin by marriage or my mom's friend that she sees twice a year to be in attendance.

I asked DH how I should broach these topics with my mom.  He said on his part, if something was planned he'd talk to his mom and explain that it's to be a small get together- maybe even lunch at a park or something, and that his whole extended family isn't to be invited (so that's kind of ok).  My mom and I had a blowup over the shower right after it happened and she's one of those people who generally acts in denial over these things (I think her big response was "I thought you'd rather do all that yourself." okay, sure, NOT!).   So bringing up the past as an example will not work.  I've told her (gently) a few times that I'm fine NOT having anything and that maybe DH and I would have a meet the baby day at our house (not really a party, just a day where we ship the dog off to the farm for the day and have the house clean/presentable and have some snacks for people to drop in and stay as little/long as they like) if/when he arrives safely (knock wood!).

She already keeps saying "we should plan this" or "we could do that." I don't want to be planning anything.  Would you insist she not do it?  Help her plan it? Dh seems to think it'd be mean to tell her not to do it. I don't know