Need advice badly (really long)

kgauntt

Hi,

I'm not a single parent but I'm hoping you ladies will still help me. I don't know who else to talk to or where else to turn, but it seems like you ladies give a lot of amazing advice to posters on here.

I've currently been married for a little over a year and my husband and I have been together for about 8 years. Things have been horrible since we've got married. I can honestly say things weren't bad at all when we were just living together. Then, we get married, and he turns into someone I've never wanted to be married to. Everything started going downhill a couple months into the marriage. He started going out all the time (week nights & weekends), coming home in the a.m. smelling like beer, and sometimes not coming home at all. It was all such a HUGE shock. I would lie in bed crying night after night not knowing what was going on or what I had done. After a couple months of that, I left. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't move out, we just separated for a while. I regret leaving more than anything, because I know it was just me giving up. I realized that separation was completely ignorant and that nothing was getting solved. I think all I did was give him a card saying, 'here, I'm gone, now have a ball.' Live and learn. I did suggest counseling but he, of course, refused.  Anyways, he ended up begging me to come back. Well, I went back. Another a couple more months, it started again. Same thing of him going out and not coming home. Rumors started to surface about him cheating on me, and though I have no proof, I know in my heart he did. He was starting to get really depressed and just kept saying to me 'I still love you, but I just don't know what's wrong with me.' The nights he actually came home, he would come into the bedroom and watch me bawl my eyes out and just say, 'It's my fault, not your's, I'm sorry I'm putting you through all of this, but I don't know what to do.' This continued for a few more weeks, but I had had enough. I left again, this time not feeling guilty about it. I actually moved all of my things out and was planning on divorce. In the midst of all of this, one of his close friends comes to me and enlightens me on what my husband had been up to. According to the friend, he cheated on me and couldn't make up his mind on whether or not he wanted me or this other girl. . His friend told me it was eating him alive trying to make a decision (which was what I suspected). I asked this guy why he even bothered telling me about this, and he said because he didn't want to see me put up with it anymore and also, THAT HE HAS FEELINGS FOR ME (He's married also by the way- what an a'hole). The only history I have with this guy is going on a few dates with him before I started dating my husband (8 yrs ago!) Of course, after he made that statement, I immediately thought he's just trying to get me into bed. I ignored 'his friend' after that and was more confused than ever. What he said about my husband explained everything. But, I still don't know 100% if it was true or not.

Fast forward to last August... He was begging me to come back again. Crying on the phone to me, telling me I'm the only person he's ever loved and that he didn't cheat on me. This man doesn't cry either, I might add - not even when his father died 2 yrs ago. I was really starting to think he was having a mental breakdown and so were his friends and mom. I've been with him so long, of course I love him. I drove over to the house one day, because he asked me to. I got there and he was laying in bed and his eyes were all puffy from crying. He started crying when I walked in. I had zero intention on going back to him that day. All I wanted to do was make sure he wasn't about to shoot himself. But, I went back. I'm not proud of the decision and I still don't know if it was the right one. However, everything changed in September. I found out I was pregnant. I never once felt sad about this. Actually my first reaction to the positive pregnancy test was pure joy. We weren't trying, it was actually a complete accident, but I still wasn't sad about it. I told him the news and he was over the moon. Now, here we are, current day, and I'm almost to my due date. I've had some health issues throughout this pregnancy and he's been there for me every night. He comes home from work every night and even cooks for me. He helps me take my blood thinner injections every night and doesn't even go out anymore. But, here I am, not knowing what happened with that girl and having to accept that he probably did do something with her at the same time. I'm having a really hard time coping with it and honestly don't really trust him at all. I know this isn't healthy for the baby, but I swear, I won't let any of this crap touch her. If this crap starts again, I will NOT let her suffer it. He doesn't feel comfortable with counseling so that's out. I know it's selfish of him, but it is what it is...

I guess what I'm asking is this: If I don't have the truth of what happened with him and that girl, does he deserve my trust? This marriage won't work if I don't trust him.. Can you gain trust back, or is it probably too late for us? Would it be better for my daughter if I took her away from all this drama before she enters this world (even if the drama is not really present at the moment?). Or would it be more responsible to try and be a family. I just want to do what's best for her. I know he will be a good father to her. I'm just not sure about how good of a husband he'll be to me. I'm truly sorry this is so long and thank you if you are still reading. I've been wanting to post on this board for a while but I was afraid to. But, I know I need some serious advice...