EVERYTHING THEY EVER TELL YOU ABOUT PREGNANCY IS A LIE!!!! (rant)

overtonhayes

I have a feeling I'm not the only one who feels like this, so maybe some of you will appreciate it!

When you're pregnant, you'll have 'the glow'. You face will look like you moisturise with angel tears every morning. You will be radiant in a way that says, "I am growing a person while you weep at the sight of your own dull skin."
Um, yeah, right. The only 'glow' I have is the "is she on meth....?" glow. My face is covered with acne. It's bloated and round. I look like I've just come down from a five-day drug binge.

Your boobs will be enormous. It will be the greatest thing that has ever happened to your chest. Surgeons will approach you in the street and say, "I need to know who did those. I must pay my respects, then resign."
Oh yes, my boobs are enormous alright. They're also covered in acne, and are 90% areola. Did I mention that said areolas are the colour of an overripe strawberry? Or that my boobs aren't growing out, but growing down? Or that they leak? Or that every now and then they feel like they're being stabbed by insects?

Your hair will look incredible. It will grow so fast your friends will shed tears of envy. Your hardcore-Christian friend will report you to your local church, because it has to be witchcraft making your hair look like something from a commercial when it hasn't been washed for days.
Well thank you for noticing, my hair has been super-shiny and awesome lately. Many a morning I wake up, look in the mirror, and wonder who I need to call to be in a Pantene commercial. Then I notice that I need to pluck my eyebrows (which have become an eyebrow, by the way) again, even though I did it yesterday. Then I stretch and - oh jeez, is that underarm stubble? What about my... Oh crap, my legs look like the Amazon. I swear I only shaved them two days ago...

That's my rant over, ladies. Please do add your own, I could do with a laugh