Anyone else not decided if they want to go back to work after baby?

sbost0118

Once Abigail arrives, I'll have 5 kids at home ages newborn to 14.  I've done the SAHM thing for as long as 3 years in a row before, but I've been back to work now for 1.5 years.  DH and I both work from home and I've got a pretty good setup at my current job.  I don't get maternity leave where I am though, so I'm planning to take seven weeks off unpaid.  I don't think I'll really be able to make a decision until my 7 weeks are up.  I really, really don't know what I'd rather do.  The money is very nice, but I know we can live pretty comfortably on just DH's income as we have in the past I make about 60% of what he does.  I also hate leaving giant holes in my resume because I will eventually want to go back to work.  I've gotten stir crazy in the past when my youngest kid at home started school.  But, there are definitely things at home that fall through the cracks while I'm working.  I do miss being able to focus more attention on my family.  And now my family will be even bigger.  If I hated my job, it would be an easy choice for me, but this job is pretty great minus the lack of benefits.  Most weeks I just get paid to monitor my email box and call into the occasional meeting.  I do have to do actual work about 1 week a month and give the occasional presentation, but it's not bad.  The only real downside is that I'm tethered to my laptop all day just in case someone does need my services so I can't do anything but sit here.

I just don't know what I really want to do.  If I did give up this job, I would have a hard time finding another with the same kind of freedom.  But I think my family needs more of my focus than they currently get.  Plus, I still feel pressure to "fulfill my potential" even at 32.  I feel like I have to defend myself when I'm a SAHM. 

Plus, work is boring.... if only it didn't pay so well...