Depression, Anxiety, and Future Mommy Fears

bestellington

I am now 18 weeks along and am still unsure about everything. Up until about 2 weeks ago my clothes were fine, then over night it seemed like I just exploded and had to purchase maternity stuff. I haven't gained that much weight so far but everyday I hate looking at the slowly growing belly and butt, pregnancy acne and dry hair and resent being in this state. Hearing friends and family tell me that I look great and haven't gained that much weight lifts the spirits and my DH has also been so supportive of me and is super excited about becoming a dad. So there's that part of it. I'm scared of being a bad mom and making the same bad upbringing decisions as my folks did. Not only that but exposing my child to my father and SM's awful attitude and snobby opinions (written in an earlier post) has been a touchy subject. Hearing that my own mother didn't want children right after breaking the news that I was pregnant also sucks and is still in my mind. I hear friends telling me that they cried at every sonogram and are super happy about having this little one in their lives. Is something wrong with me for not having these strong emotions about baby? At our first sono, I didn't feel anything, just thought to myself, "Huh, that's awesome I suppose...nursing school will have to be post poned and right when I get accepted, too". Every sono after that has been a little better, but I am still in this state of this can't be happening right now. We weren't TTC and had planned starting in a couple years. We live in a one bedroom condo with no hope of being able to sell in the near future.

Does anyone else have any of these fears running through their heads?