When do you raise the white flag?

cj1202

Long story short - dated the dad to be for a very short time. After almost 2 months of dating, I found out I was pregnant. While he's fantastic on paper: Great job, already a great father of 2, financially responsible, super involved in kids lives (coaches their teams all year long, attends every game or competition).

Then I got pregnant. I told him- we dicussed all our options.He wanted me to strongly considering aborting, but like a good guy, said he will support whatever choice I made.

I choose to keep her. And while we both emotionally had a lot to deal with, it was taking its toll on what little base our relationship had. I told him, I had a choice -- and so does he. He doesn't have to be involved. I personally believe, if every woman can choose and not be judged, every man should have the same option. He said he wasn't built this way. He would be involved and began to suggest I look at hospitals near him and places to live, near him. (We are about 40 mins away from each other)..

But now, hes met my family, and everyone on my side is happy and exicted for me. And Ive met his kids several times, which is a major big deal to him. It seems the closer we get to my due date...the further he gets. And I dont just mean this in a pyhsical way... I mean, hes at the point now (im 12 weeks away)...where he yells at me, saying i never considered him, or his family, or his kids. And he still hasnt told his parents or his ex-wife (mostly hes concerned about her bringing him to court for more $ when she finds out).. but now all his stresses, are breaking me. We talk for hours, and I cry, and I try to make him see-- I did consider him and his family -- but personally, morally, I couldn't pass up on this little miracle. 

Up to this point, he has never gone to a single appointment or ultrasound. He hasnt contributed anything financially. And I am prepared to purchase all the necessities i need to, on my own. Up front, I told him -- I don't expect anything from anyone.

 And while after each of our heavy, heart wrenching conversations-- i try to end the relationship. And he won't. Because being divorced, he knows how hard it is missing those small everyday things, like tucking them in, but then reverts right back to --- we dont even know each other, ands calls me selfish for my choices. 

 Its mentally exhausting, and silly me, thinking, because he is such a stellar dad, that this would have been easier. False.

 Have any of you ever been in a similar situation? I keep thinking, maybe once the little lady gets here-- his bad attitude will calm down. But I know I do not want someone with hatered and resnetment near me or my little girl.

And even tonight, he asked me.. what do I want, what are my expectations?

I told him I care about him. He then asked -- do you really care about me  or just like the idea of raising a baby with him. I told him -- with or without you, I wouldve still made the same choice. But I do care about you. But I can't worry about that anymore. I have to worry about my little girl.

 And then all the sudden he turned nice again, and wanted to talk in person, so we could figure things out...But at this point, my heart isn't in it. I'd rather be alone, than lonely in a relationship...but then again, I can't really think what's best for me anymore. I just keep being hopefully, that he will wake up happier...and it just keeps getting worse.