Stick to the schedule!

CozyHeart13

Ok, DD is 2.5yo, her dad and I have been separated over a year and I've tried ignoring his lack of responsible parenting but now it is really setting things back with DD. I don't know how to show him how his attempt to be the fun parent hurts her and when I try to talk to him about it, he gets defensive and starts his usual rant of what a horrible person I am and blah blah blah to make himself feel better rather than address the issue.

DD has been trying to potty train for months now. Last weekend was my first full weekend with her in a while, and after a full week of day care encouragement and me at home, she initiated going potty on the toilet three times in one day (she stopped playing and ran to the potty on her own!!) and even pooped on the potty once. HUGE success!! But she goes back to her dad this weekend...

Also, bedtime has become a nightmare - every excuse in the book to get up, she uses it. So we've been doing a strict routine - she gets a cracker, puts jammies on, goes potty, washes her hands, brushes her teeth, gets a little drink of water, picks out a book and a baby, reads the book to mommy, calls daddy (yes, every night or I have to deal with his harassment the rest of the night and next morning) and then it's hugs, kisses, lights out and good night. Works like a charm! His solution: She sleeps with him and doesn't go to bed until she wants to. So then the first couple nights back with me are horrible... 

How do I get him to see that she needs structure and routine in her life at this age? He's so concerned with being the fun parent and getting her to say she wants to go to his house, he lets her eat whatever she wants (she had gold fish and mandarin oranges for dinner one night!) and no naps. Any advice how to address this or make him see the need "on his own" when he only has her one night a week and every other weekend?