Dear Man upstairs...Please let me keep this baby.

Ash&Baby T

I don't post a lot. Mainly because my phone is my primary form of lurking (for I am far too lazy to actually pull out the computer at home after being on one all day at work) and won't let me post like a normal person...

But I've been up for a whole day...Most of it was great, went to work, had dinner with my husband, went out to celebrate 2 dear friends' engagement...

And then it all went south. We got home at 11:30ish last night, I put on my pj's, did the night time thing (teeth brushing, face washing, staring very closely at my pores) and then I pee'd before getting into bed... And to the tune of my worst nightmare...I wiped and the TP was covered in blood...Not just a smidge, COVERED in bright, red, blood. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. It's not stopping.

My DH and I were in the car on the way to the ER in under 5 minutes...Fast forward to the ultra sound they ordered immediately...Baby's heartbeat is 150 (at previous appointments it has been 162 and 154) measuring 3 days ahead, so wiggly, yawning, stretching, dance partying away... And a girl, with the longest little ballerina legs I could only have imagined in my dreams...Everything I was hoping for...But not like this.

But where is the blood coming from??

 Fast forward another 3 hours... Dr. does a pelvic, cervix is closed, ultrasound results look "so good" and the bloodwork looks good, and he "doesn't think" that I am miscarrying even though heavy bleeding in the 2nd trimester isn't "normal"...It's not "uncommon"...But you can't know these things "for sure"...But where is all the blood coming from? Why isn't it stopping? What is happening to my baby?

 "I can't say for sure, I don't see anything, take it easy for the next couple of days, monitor the flow, call your OB on Monday, it should taper off...If it doesn't..."

 I know that there is nothing that we can do at 17 weeks, "whatever is going to happen to the fetus is going to happen" But I don't understand...I don't understand how they can not know. I can't stand laying here, "restricting movement", terrified that it's the only thing that I can do. How can this be happening? I thought that this was the honeymoon trimester...I thought things were safe now.

 I know this is rambling, and I apologize for the choppy composition, but if anyone has had this, or something similar to this...With no how or why's answered, I would so appreciate it. I am exhausted...Sleep doesn't seem to be an option now... Words of...Anything...

 Thanks Ladies.