Advice / guidance, please

ambernichole9986

I know this may not be the most appropriate way to seek advice /guidance, but I thought that this would probably be the best way to get a variety of responses that I may not get elsewhere. I will try to make this as short as I can. I was 24 when I got pregnant, 25 now, with a man,26 then now 27,I dated on & off for 3 years. We had previously dreamed of & discussed marriage & children, but when we conceived, we were more off than on. When we learned I was pregnant, he begged me to move in & for us to be together & be a family. I told him if he didn't want us together without a baby that being together for a baby would not work if he didn't genuinely want to be with me, & that things would just be much worse. I gave him the option to leave, be a part of baby's life without being in relationship with me, & he only gave me the option to move in & be with him. So I did. & the first 3 months were great. I fell in love with him in a new way through seeing his support & excitement about pregnancy & baby. Then he began to change. His friends & hobbies changed, along with how he treated me & his interest in pregnancy & baby. Soon I found out that there was someone else, a 19 year old girl, which, in my eyes, kind of made me understand his changes I just mentioned. I wanted to leave since obviously he no longer wanted us & clearly we were no longer together, but he begged me to stay. His reasons being if I left I'd be in different town & he wouldn't be able to be there for me & baby, that being in same home he could play the role in her life he wanted & could learn from me how to care for her when she's born, etc. Somehow he convinced me to continue to live with him while he dated another girl. Every weekend he was gone... beach, lake, gambling, football games, staying with her at her apartment, etc. But during week he cooked for me, attended baby classes with me, attended baby shower, shopped for crib & such, etc. When I gave birth, he never left my side. But that night she was first born, our daughter quit breathing & had to be monitored in nursery & have tests run so they would not let her stay with me in my room. I found it really odd he didn't spend the night at hospital that night, especially with the concerns for our daughter. The day we brought her home from hospital, I found out why. His teenage girlfriend came to our home & spent the night with him. The first weekend after our daughter was home he left to go on lake with his girlfriend. I knew then I just couldn't do it anymore. Even though our daughter did have us both in that arrangement, I couldn't do it anymore. I felt as if I had done everything, too much really, for him to be there for her & to meet his wishes. I moved to my fathers as I needed help right then. He only came to see our daughter 3 times the month I moved out, & only because he was on the way to his girlfriends & was passing through. He wouldn't let her have majority of things at his house that I couldn't fit in my car. Her crib, some clothes, diapers, etc. Then he stopped coming, stopped asking about her, & had a lawyer contact me. His lawyer said that my daughter?s father's girlfriend contacted him & asked for a meeting. That's when he had him draw up papers requesting to terminate his parental rights & requesting I sign an agreement that he'd never have to pay child support. He sent many very ugly texts & emails speaking of how I better sign because he never wants anything to do with our daughter & how he's happy with his current life. I did not sign. I felt like it wasn't my decision. My daughter should be able to decide if she would ever want to know her father or not. I know there's pros and cons to signing & not signing. I have thought about this in every possible way. He has no longer contacted me about her, offered any support, nothing. But for some reason he did let me know he & his girlfriend moved in, got a new boat & SUV, remodeled house & got new furniture. He makes no sense to me. I now just worry about the what ifs like I know I shouldn't. What if he randomly wants to see her?How will I know he's not going to disapoint her & abandon her again?Or what if I try to protect her & he ends up really being a changed man? It's my opinion the way he's living now, he isn't capable of changing & being a good father. It also really bothers me to know that he told me himself his girlfriend doesn't want her parents to know he has a child. I feel that shows he is ashamed of his child since that doesn't concern him at all, & that if he's so ashamed of her he could possibly be ugly to her & resentful towards her should he ever see her. I hate what ifs, but can't seem to find any peace of mind about this situation. Has anyone else gone through anything similar? Are there any suggestions on anything I could do differently or things I have handled in a wrong way. Really just kind of hoping for any outlooks that I haven't thought of myself. I like to try to be open minded & see things from every angle in hopes of doing what is best for my daughter. Thank you in advance!