Emotional vent.

MrsEWellman

I spent a couple hours in L&D yesterday because of spike in BP. It REALLY looked like I was going to have to be induced, but all my labs came back clear and my BP eventually came down and baby's heart rate looked AMAZING. I also got my membranes stripped. I was about 1.5-2 cm dilated and over 50% effaced. Also, it hurt SO BAD. I knew it would hurt, but it was almost unbearable, and I guess it was because my cervix is posterior and it took a lot of wrangling to get her fingers in there. I almost screamed. 

I really don't want to have to get induced, but I know that I might have to. I'm terrified of not being able to handle the pain of contractions on Pitocin. I am terrified of it increasing my risk of having to get a c-section. I was really hoping that getting my membranes stripped would help to send me into labor naturally, but I haven't noticed anything yet (even though I know it hasn't even been 24 hours since the stripping).

I have an appointment tomorrow and if my BP is high at all, I'm getting induced. I suddenly feel like a big baby about it. I'm terrified. Of it all. I've been weepy all morning, I just wish I could realize that things will be okay in the end. It doesn't help that I haven't slept more than 3 hours a night for about 4 months and I'm beyond tired. I'm so ready to be done being pregnant but so terrified about delivery, especially after an induction.