At the End of My Rope (vent big time)

gomezmama

Background: When DH and I first met, my dad didn't like him (big suprise, he didn't like any boy around me). We actually hid the fact that we were together for the first couple weeks to avoid the drama. Once we did tell them, I was still living at home and we weren't allowed to be alone together (oh yeah, and I was 19). My dad came to realize over a few weeks that DH wasn't just another bad boy I had picked to defy them...we were both in love. Soon we married, had a baby, yadda yadda, good times.

My little brother met this girl. He just turned 21 and she is 18 or 19 with a 2yr old. My family is super old fashioned, so here's where it gets crazy. Lil bro moved this girl and her baby into my parents house with him, where mom and dad welcomed her with open arms. I understand that this girl needs help and it's great that mom and dad have given her a roof over her head, food, clothes...everything. It actually hurts DHs feelings that they welcome this girlfriend who definitely does not have a very good reputation. And it bothers me too a lil. My mom has turned into their live in nanny and I really hate that. All of my son's (who is the only grandchild) things have become the girlfriend's baby's things. If we eat supper at my moms, my son has to sit on my lap because she uses our high chair even when we are there.  Also, I was raised that after a meal, you clean up after yourself, and lil bro and his gf don't even clean up after the baby! Since I've moved out and gf has moved in I hoped that she would step up and help my mom around the house, help with the chores outside...she lives there for free and does nothing. She doesnt work, just sits at home (my parents' home that it...). My bro is best friends with DH. Now the gf doesn't let bro hang out with DH anymore because she says my bro needs to be home to spend time with the baby (you know, the one that's not even his). Last Saturday my mom and I had planned on going for luch (which was a huge deal for me to get to do since I've been on bedrest). I was soo looking forward to it when an hour before she was supposed to pick me up, she texted me saying that it would be rude not to invite bro's gf. I explained to mom that I really wanted this time alone with her, but she kept saying how it wouldn't be nice to leave her home and it would cause hurt feelings... so the gf came along. Then at my uncle's visitation, she stood in line with my family. That really upset me because she didn't even know my uncle! I had a really hard time with that. DH and I are both just dumb-founded that my family (mom and dad) are allowing all of this to happen. I just don't know what to do anymore. If I say anything to my lil bro he gets really mad at me. And my mom has so much stress already, I just want to keep things peaceful but I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Here's where I need your advice. Please show me a different way to look at this situation or something because I don't like conflict, but after everything that's happened I can't hardly stand to be around this girl. Am I being a b!tch? I try really really hard to keep telling myself that its out of my control, so I just need to let it go, but thats super hard. I'm scared my mom will say something about her being in the delivery room with us and I'm affraid I'll lose it! What can I do about this??