I feel like a horrible mother

gy86

Ever since my daughter was born, but more often in the past 1-2 months, I've had this constant feelings of guilt and sadness over being not being able to give my daughter things like a two-parent household, or more of my time (she's in daycare all day), or when she's older fun vacations or a better state in which to attend public school, and all sorts of other things.

I knew the statistics surounding single parenthood when I got pregnant, though I chose to keep her.  I guess I figured I would somehow be "exempt" from some of the setbacks since I already had a college degree and a rewarding career.  I absolutely hate myself for it, but I can't help but wonder if I should have had that abortion.  Parenthood is supposed to be this wonderful rewarding experience and my child is supposed to be this gift from God, and she's supposed to give me all these magical moments, and here I am just feeling crappy about bringing her into a crappy life.

Though her father and I are on good terms (and he contributes financially), our daughter lives with me full time and I do 95% of the daycare drop-offs, baby care, laundry, doctor's appts, etc.  And I know it's just going to get more stressful and demanding the older she gets, when she'll need real meals instead of a boob in her mouth or afterschool activities & homework help as opposed to some toys sprinkled around her.

What are ways you other mommies deal with these feelings?  A part of me thinks maybe this is just a normal by-product of near six months of sleeplessness or stupid breastfeeding hormonal crap, but another part of me has this sinking feeling of dread that I've ruined the next 18 years of my life and I'll never be able to attain the quality of life I know my daughter & I deserve.