just need to get this off of my mind!

candi2912

I just need to vent a little and this seems like the right place to do it, and maybe get a little feedback. I am scheduled to have my 4th c-section on 2/9. My 3 older kids were all by my ex husband. Well now here is what's bothering me. I ended up having my youngest daughter all alone (she is now 5). I had no support at the hospital at all. My ex husband came to see us once in the 4 days we were in the hospital, and stayed for about half an hour, and decided to bring his "friend" with him. Now that I'm getting so close to having my new baby I'm worrying about being alone again! My boyfriend now is great (just to make it clear he is the baby's dad, and we live together for almost 2 years now). But when ever I bring up the c-section and him being there he always kind of jokes about not being there. (though he is a big smartass) but he will say stuff like he will have to play rock-paper-sissors with my dad (who I am super close to, but was not when my other children were born) to see who has to go back with me. And then will throw in that it might even be my son (who is 7) that comes walking in. I know that he is joking, but I have been having nightmares about having the baby and being all alone. I know I'm just over emotional right now but I never thought I was going to be alone with my last child either (she was also a scheduled c-section, and I ended up having to call I cab to go to the hospital because I could not find him or get him to answer his phone).