Family vs IL shower.. vent LONGG

megvin21

So I will be a FTM in May and it has been unspoken since I found out I was pregnant that I would be given 3 baby showers: My family, SOs family, and Friends. Reasons: my family is huge, my family and SOs family are complete opposites and SO and I agree that it would be best if they were combined at a shower, my BFF wanted to throw me a shower, so that will be small just close girlfriends. Recently, my mom sat down with me to pick out a date for the shower and asked if I wanted to include ILs, she wants to 'break the ice' and try to get over the differences at some point. SOs Grandmother is the one who I thought was throwing me a shower from his side of the family so I spoke with her one day about combining.

Well my aunt has already offered to do the food and my mom and sister will be throwing the shower. So GMIL says 'oh combining would be nice, that sounds like it would work well, I could help with food since I love to bake and cook!' and I ask her for an approximate number of people from their family so my mom could decide if there were going to be too many to have at her house, etc.. GMIL thinks and counts on fingers and says well I'm thinking about 8!......8? Really that's it?! I was a little dumbfounded, my mom already has a list of 30 from my family. Well that's fine and 8 more isn't a big deal, not like 30 more would be. So then GMIL says 'well I'll have to talk to Jenny (MIL) because I think she was really looking forward to throwing you a shower!" umm I didn't know MIL was doing it, but okay. So after all of this is it decided that SOs family and my family will remain separate.

Deep breath..

So, it's been atleast 3 weeks since that discussion, and since my mom and I chose 2 back to back weekends as possible shower dates (in case one doesn't work for my sister) and I still haven't heard anything from SOs family, GMIL OR MIL, about a shower. I'm not too concerned about the need of sending invites out early enough so people can make it, especially if there are only going to be 8 people! But I am just wondering how they are planning anything (if they are planning anything) if they don't have a date picked out, and if they do, they chose it without asking me or any of my family when my mom's shower is. I know a shower is a gift and I am thankful, but it is stressing me out trying to balance the two families..

Should I be worried or thinking about this at all? or should I just forget about it and when they tell me 'oh we sent out invites for your shower that is going to be on (the same day as my family shower)! hope you're excited!" what do I do then? tell them sorry but my mom has already planned this day (for 30+ not 8 people) or what..?

OH! and during the talk with GMIL, after we got back to the senario of two separate parties, I mentioned that I had asked my mom to accompany me to ILs shower since SO doesn't want to go. And the response from GMIL was " Ofcourse she can come! and I would love to go to both showers as well, and I'm sure MIL would too!" I was not inviting my mom to come just so she could be at both showers, she would be there for support and so I wouldn't pull my hair out! So I don't know where GMIL gets off inviting herself and her daughter to my family's shower, I don't need them for support with my own family!
There is no boundary set with the fact that I am a (G)DIL NOT their own daughter, and so my mom gets to be more involved than they do. They will get their chance when SIL goes through this! ughh