Help...I feel like I don't fit in here.

hsdjoyner

Before I get into my concerns, I just want to put a disclaimer:

It is not my intention of offend anyone and I apologize in advance if you are impacted that way.  My purpose is to only state my needs in the hope that someone has some suggestions for me.

I am 23 weeks pregnant with my first child after 2  labors and pregnancy losses.  I am am the adult child of therapist and I work in the mental health field with children.  I have been on the bump lurking since I was about 8 weeks pregnant but have never posted anything because my concerns about my child have nothing to do with the things people discuss here, most of which I find insignificant. 

I am looking for a community of women who think about pregnancy and raising children like I do.  I worry about offending people who I say no thank you to their buying "blue" items for my son.  It is paramount to me that I not force gender norms onto my son.  It would be nice to find women who are also dealing with the pressure of gender normative behaviors and expectations put o nthem and thier child.  

I am also having what society would call a "mixed race" child.  I am "mixed race" (hate that term) myself but was raised very conscious of my "African-american" (again, I hate the language we use to describe race) identity but the others were repressed until I was much older and able to explore them on my own.  My partner is Italian and Irish and is constantly saying "why are you worried?  Our kid isn't black."  Which is true, but our kid isn't white either.  I remember the challenges of people putting their ideas and expectations on me based on what they assumed my race to be and want to be ready to talk about this with my child and to deal with the comments from others while my son is too young to advocate for himself.  I need advice on being culturally inclusive and gender neutral with my kid.  I don't care at all about the many things people talk about in great detail on these boards and was wondering if there was anyone out there will to talk about the real stuff?  Their real concerns like how to help my partner deal with reactions to him and his "brown" baby.  For example recently, I was in the hospital and when my partner showed up the nurses asked him if he was lost and sure he was going into the correct room.    

You can raise a healthy, happy, well-adjusted kids with just a breast and some blankets, women have done it for centuries.  Half of my family is from a third world communist country and is composed of some of the most brilliant an compassionate people I have ever known and I know for a fact they didn't have boppy pillows or co-sleepers.  I recognize people want the best for their children but I work with too many kids that have had ever advantage, the safest stroller, go to the best school, had the most beautiful top of the line nursery who are completely screwed up because they have absolutely no self-awareness.