Am I the only one?

kelliannep89

I don't know if this is going to sound strange or not, but here goes...

This will be my first child! I am 21 weeks pregnant. My husband and I were married in June 2011 and we were planning on having kids, just not this soon. We had planned on waiting 3 to 4 years or until we got to our next duty station. However, late August, we found out we were expecting.

 When I read the test (I took 6 to be very sure), I smiled, but had a mild panic attack afterwards. I am 22 years old, and before I took the test, I would have told anyone that I was not ready for a baby. However, after reading the test, I felt like I had no choice to be ready, so I put on the "mommy-in-training" hat and sucked it up. It was happening. 

Now, my husband and I are very excited to be having a baby. Our excitement grows with each doctors appointment and when we found out we were having a girl, our smiles could not have been bigger.

But, I feel like I am an awful person sometimes. Sometimes, I look at myself and think I do not want this anymore. I'll watch things on TV about birth and I freak out and when I see the babies being born, I do not think "Oh, how wonderful!", all I feel like is puking. I am at the point where I wish I didn't have to be there for the birth. And, when people tell me about their labor experiences, it makes me want to run in the other direction as well. I feel her kick, and occasionally that feeling will go away, but not all the time. Other times, I cannot wait to meet her and I can't wait to hear her little voice.

Frankly, I am soooo tired of being pregnant. I don't look good or feel good in maternity clothes and I am not used to having to take it easy. (Because of my pre-pregnancy weight and other health conditions, I am restricted from doing a lot of things. Basically all I can do is walk or lay down).  I do not want this to sound like whining or complaining or whatever, because that is not what I am doing. I am wondering if there are other mothers who felt this way as well and if it is just something normal for first time mothers to experience. I feel like an awful person.