Intro. Single mother with 5 month old.

Mason&Mama

I am very sad to say that I am the newest member of your board. Here is my story. I love my baby's father. We have been together for seven years, and we have a very special bond. He has a great heart, and he loves me and Mason very much. Unfortunately, he has a disease. He is a drug addict. I would have to say that the majority of our relationship he has been clean. I have never even experimented with drugs, and I am pretty much the complete opposite of someone you would imagine with an addict. My ex had a very difficult childhood, but he is educated and a talented hard worker. A combination of prescribed pain pills after several operations and hanging with the wrong people during his 20's led to a pain pill dependence. He has been through recovery, and I have been lucky enough to know the clean version of the man I love. Sometimes he goes 2 years clean, and sometimes only 6 months. He usually relapses for a short period of time before getting help. It has happened a handful of times throughout our relationship. When he relapses, he makes terrible decisions. He will spend money we need, and he has even stolen from his family. I stayed by his side through all if this because of the man he s 95% of the time. However, now I have a son. My ex's father died unexpectedly the day after Mason was born. He has had a very hard time coping, and I believe that the holidays put him over the edge. He slipped up for the first time since Mason was born.i was hoping that it would never happen, but in my heart I knew it was always a looming possibility. He spent money we don't have (I just quit my full-time job), and he even stole from my family on Christmas. I was heartbroken, and he is beside himself with regret. For the first time in 7 years, we are broken up. I am not the type to have an on again, off again relationship. I had many opportunities to call it quits in the past, but I never had the reason of an innocent baby. My ex has no money, his truck needs work so it is not even insured/registered, and he has no place to live. I let him sleep here the last few nights while he actively sought out a rehab bed. (There are waiting lists everywhere.) He enters rehab this afternoon with the understanding that this is no longer a home to come back to. I promised him that his son would always be a part of his life and that I wouldn't play games with that relationship. I just hope that he takes this opportunity to grow as a person. He has never joined a halfway house or sober house as part o f recovery, and I am hoping that he can accomplish that this time. I can no longer enable him. We have had an amazing relationship, and the bad times have been few and far between. But they always come back. It's not fair to expose my little boy to that. I am scared for my ex. Very scared. I feel like this is his do or die moment. I am hoping it is his rock bottom ... losing his family, his home. I am also scared for myself. I just quit my job. I have no one to watch LO while I work per diem shifts (overnights), but I need to start working ASAP to pay my bills. It is so overwhelming. I hope to be able to visit this board for advice and support. I spend most of my time on the 3-6 month and July 2011 board, but it looks like this is where I have the most learning to do now. Thanks in advance.