I don't trust my sister in law to be the guardian....long vent

cheron1279

This is a long one...I apologizie

I am in need of advice on a touchy subject. Back in 2006 when my husband's and I's wills were drafted prior to him deploying to Iraq we named his sister as the primary and my little brother as the secondary on our wills should anything happen to either of us to be the guardians of our children. At the time we did not have any children and have been trying for years. At the time his sister being the primary seemed like a good idea. My brother was only 23, engaged and did not own a house or have a steady job. She was older with two kids.

Over the years my husbands sister's (who is a very good mother, btw)  financial situation has caused me great alarm and I have become more and more concerned of the idea of her being my children's guardian. She has been on wellfare for as long as I have known her (13 years). Has many times had to ask either her mom or dad or pay her bills and get her out of rough situations. Her mom has had to buy her a car. She took a few years off of work to get a degree and got financial aid for it. When she was finished and was not paying it off her mom, who co-signed for the loan, ended up paying off the full amount. We currently reside in Europe and a few years back I came across an email she sent to my husband saying the she got a big enough tax return to come visit us and site see. What bothered me about this was that she, to this day owes her mother a ton of money and to me it just seemed like a poor and selfish decision to not pay her mother back first. Awhile back I was speaking to her and she told me that she was hesitant to take a job that she applied for because it paid "too much" and if she took she would no longer qualify to live in low income housing. Recently her apartment complex closed down and she had to move into her mothers condo (an investment property) and is only paying her $500 a month for it when it is worth much more than that. Her mom, who feels financially responsible for her is losing money on it every month. My sister-in-law has two kids (she is age 40) but has never been married and the last child was conceived on purpose but she had no intention of staying with the father. She just wanted another child-this angered the father who thought she wanted to start a family and felt tricked. Much of what pays her bills is the child support she receives from both of her children's fathers (until recently-one just turned 18) and the money that she gets from the government. She has never really had a steady job and takes whatever random job she gets, sometimes, when she feels like working. Although she has a good educational background she does not use it.I believe her bachelors degree is in foreign communications but I think after pursuing it she realized it wasn't what she wanted to do. Right now she works at a auto repair shop I think probably as a receptionist.

 My brother-who is now almost 29 has gotten married to one of the most wonderful mothers I have ever witnessed. He has a good paying job with a steady income (he works for the city), with excellent benefits and he OWNS the condo he lives in. It is small, but it is his. (My sister in law has never own a house) He now has 3 kids, all three and under, one is a foster child they took in about 7 months ago who they intend to adopt. My brother has become an excellent father, who makes good and responsible decisions for his family. His credit is excellent. 

My sister-in-law lives in MN where it is just her, her two kids and my husbands father (who is old and not very healthy). My husband has one good friend that lives there.

My brother lives in CA where my dad, mom & her husband, and my husbands mom live (total of four grandparents for my children). Both sets of MY grandparents, all of my cousins, their children, my brother's children and my aunts and uncles live there.All of my friends and friends of the family and the majority of my husbands friends. There are many family connections in CA and really only a couple in MN.

My dilemma is is that my husband thinks the WORLD of his sister. So much so that he does not see her faults. From the day I met him he has always put her on a pedestal. I understand his love for her but I truly am concerned for the future of my children. I tried to talk to him about it about a year back after his sister pulled another "stunt" and he said he didn't want to discuss it. I don't know how to bring it up again and how to relay how I feel to him without causing a lot of problems. He and I are non-religious so we would not be naming God-parents although I have thought about maybe bringing up the concept of guardians. I just don't know what to do? Right now with his sister as the PRIMARY on our wills my children will go to her over my brother. I would be content with my brother and sister-in-law having equal guardianship on the will because I know that in the case anything should happen the courts would evaluate hers and my brothers situation and give them to my brother. But once again....I don't know how to bring it up to my husband without making him really upset.