Dr's visits and feeling like the bad mom-UPDATED

goosh24

I'm sorry this is long  

I took J for her 18 month visit today and saw one of the dr's who I'm not a huge fan of (there's 4 in the practice total and he's who was available).  He asked if I had any concerns and I told him that I was concerned about her speech development but I have already set up a speech evaluation on Friday.  I talked to another one of the dr's at 15 months and he thought she was totally on track, this one thinks that an eval should have been done already.  He also starts  starring at her head kind of funny and says that he doesn't like the asymmetry of her head.  She has torticollis and has been getting PT for a year, and has also been seeing the chiropractor.  The tilt has gotten much better but she still has a slight flat spot but none of the other dr's have been concerned at all.  At her 12 month appt, that dr. told me that her son's torticollis is much worse and there's no need to look into a helmet or a specialist. The dr who we saw today also told me at her 4 month appt that the torticollis was severe, even though I talked to another dr. at 2 months and had already contacted EI.  I left that appointment a mess and feeling like a bad mom.

So back to today, he says she needs to have a CT scan done, immediately and make sure there's no underlying cause to the asymmetry, like a mass of some sort.  So we're going tonight and I'm a mess and feeling like I have neglected or done something wrong to my child.  DH wasn't there for the appointment and of course has questions and I don't really feel like I can give answers to them because I feel like my head is a blur.  She took a nasty fall last month and the dr then suggested doing a CT scan and it was a huge fail, she threw up everywhere and couldn't be restrained so it didn't happen and she's been totally normal.  I pretty much expect the same to happen tonight   But he didn't write stat on the order so we aren't even going to hear anything until at least tomorrow afternoon, which also pisses DH off (and me too, but what can I do?). 

I think from now on I'm just going to request to see a particular dr.  Of course there are going to be conflicting views but I can't handle the everything is fine at one appointment, and that something is really wrong at the next.  Although I do wonder if maybe he's the thorough dr and the one we should actually stick with...

I hate feeling like I'm failing no matter what I do.