For those of you who have moved on help needed..

intdesigner925

Not sure if this is the proper place but for those who are no longer with the father's of your children, are you dating? If you are how long after you ended your previous relationship did you get back out there into the dating scene?

 My boyfriend of 9 years just ended our relationship the day after our baby shower, he said he was unhappy, its been about two weeks or so, but seems like forever as one point or another we were inseperable or so I thought. I really thought he was my soulmate, we had issues like every couple and I wasnt always the perfect girlfriend but we always worked  things out. Anyhow im just feeling really lost right now, I can't stop crying, sleep deprived, and my appetite has decreased from on this, on top of that I have other issues going on right now causing stress for example me having to give away my cats i've had for 5 years among other things. So talk about bad timing.

When I first found out I was pregnant the one thing he said to me was lets always have each other backs and stay by each other even if it gets hard, where did all that go? He said he will be there for our daughter and all. Recently we got into it because he worked overtime on my appointment day with the high risk OB ( I have nst's each week), well I was ok with him working but I was bothered by the fact that he didnt even bother to call and ask how the appointment went (im high risk and he knows this), he literally calls me maybe once a week if that and the convo is all of 2.5 seconds. By the way I scheduled my appts specifically on days I knew he'd be off so that he could go, before we broke up he would come, now let me give a quick back story on that. He sometimes worked overtime on his days off but alot of times he says he didnt because I would fuss about us not spending time together which is partly true, but now that we arent together he says if he wants to work those days he will even if he misses an appointment so I said fine. This is his baby too if he cant make and appt. at least show interest, how is that too much to ask for? Anyhow he got all irate saying that im trying to call him a bad father which no I was not im simply saying show more interest.

Back to the 2.5 second convos, this is not our first breakup over 9 years you can imagine how many we have had but like I said we always end up together, anyhow whenever we break up we still talk and not like for hours but more than what has been happening recently, its just not like him to rush off the phone. Another thing we discussed was how things would go after delivery, I asked how were we going to do nights which is when i'd really need help and he was like im not staying over etc, oh really? are you sending a subsitute to take care of your duties because last time I checked YOUR THE FATHER!!!  Well I found out yesterday the reason he has been so quick to get off the phone is because 1. He is "talking" to someone and 2. She isnt comfortable with him talking to me. So when he told me this naturally I was hurt but I didnt break down on the phone or anything I basically told him to have a nice life and goodbye. He then calls back and tells me she didnt say she was uncomfortable with him talking to me but he told me that because he doesnt want us to start talking and me get my hopes up of us getting back together is why he rushes off the phone. He did however tell me that they are not dating and she isnt his girl and that they are just talking....yeah ok. So it all makes sense now why he has been acting hateful and shitty, which like I said is unlike him. 

I think he trying to forcefully push me away. Im just really hurt by the fact that he left me at a time like this and how im being treated its like I never knew him, like I dont know this person at all. Also how did he just go and jump into another situation so quickly? Im still trying to get over this how in the hell is he already talking to someone in two weeks time? After 9 years really? I feel like its dumb on his part to get into another situation so quick, it will likely backfire and good riddance. He is probably searching for sex as that is part of the reason we broke up, it hasnt really been comfortable for me so we havent really been having it on top of me getting infections, which has happened often with this pregnancy, so we've had a drought for awhile. Im pretty sure thats why he is talking to someone, when I said to him he moved on quickly his response was " well we havent been having sex, what was I supposed to do?" Good luck with that. He's all like I still love you we just cant be together. I wanted us to work I really did and part of me wants to still be with him I'd even be willing to go to counseling. I was close to his family and vice versa his nephews calls me aunt and my neice calls him uncle (ive been around since these kids were babies and saw them being born). My mom now has a different opinion of him now though and she loved him. So I know if its truly is over and someone else comes in the picture then not only do I lose my relationship woth him but I wont be around his family who are like my family and vice versa, its sad really. 

I just feel like someone ripped part of me away and I really don't know how to move on. Should I stop all contact or what? Tell him not to come to appointments and when he calls dont answer? Or straight up tell him I need space and time to get over this and that ill contact him when in labor? this Tuesday he is coming to my appointment and then coming to bring our baby shower gifts and help prepare for the baby, maybe tell him then in person? Any advice would be great. Sorry for the long story.