you ladies are my inspiration.. i need words of encouragement

MrsRebz2Be

Although I am not married, I've been a relationship with baby daddy for over 4 years now. We have a 2 year old daughter and a 2 month old son.  For years I have constantly given him 2nd chances whether it be getting in trouble with the law, drinking too much, lying/sneaking behind back, being destructive out of anger, emotionally and physically abusing me.. I was always there to forgive and give another chance.  I could go on and on about how he is disrespectful, rude, selfish, manipulative blah blah blah. He has never once made me feel special in our entire relationship. I truly believe I am his backbone and without me (and his kids) he will crumble.  I am fully aware that he takes me for granted. I have "left" several times in the past. He would become outraged and start yelling and throwing/breaking things and I would pack up (me and my daughter) in the middle of the night and go stay with my parents. I have done this so many times only to return the next day that he knows now if I leave will come back. Recently I started working part time so I could go to school fulltime.. for the first time in our relationship I have become dependent on him financially. He pays for our rent, utilities and groceries and usually ends up helping with my car payment and insurance because I am usually short on monthly payments.  

Since our son was born, I feel like I am in this parenting thing alone. He is always at work, and when he is home he is either on the computer or sleeping or doing anything besides spending time with me and his kids.  I am so unhappy in this relationship. I need to leave.  I know I can go and stay with my parents for the time-being. I am just so scared that I will come back to him AGAIN in hopes that maybe, finally, this time he will realize what a good thing he is throwing away. I so know that there are men out there who will treat me better, but even if I don't find them... I would rather be alone that continue to stay in this miserable relationship. We can have a few good weeks, and one bad day or one bad fight just reminds me that he hasn't changed, and nothing will make him change and I am wasting another day of my life sitting here putting up with his crap.  

Im sure you ladies read these all the time. If you took the time to read this... I guess I am just looking for words of encouragement... that I can leave him and make my life better.  That although it sucks and is hard, the grass is greener on the other side (eventually) .. what was your breaking point? and at what point going through your separation or divorce were you at your lowest?  I know I can do this, I guess I just need a pep talk