Single Mom Trying to Cope..Just need to talk to someone

babywacker

I MISS MY SON!!

His first birthday is coming up and the holidays as well and it kills me that I have to send him to his dad's to have a separate birthday party and the holidays with their family.  Of course I wish we could have kept it together- I never wanted to be one of those parents that has kids from different fathers and has to "share" my time with my own child.  My heart feels like it is pieces!

We had been arguing for a few weeks about a custody arrangement that we could both agree on.  Basically I wanted what most courts order, every other weekend and one day a week.  We agreed on every other weekend and two days a week.  My baby boy will be with me every night during the week which is something I was insisting upon.  And I will get every other weekend "off" to do my own thing.  But he is "my thing".  When I'm with him I think about how it would be nice to have a little break, but a whole weekend is hard to do.  I think what makes it so hard is that it is "scheduled" if you know what I mean.  I'm sure I am a control freak and this just proves that even more- but if I got to decide when I got a weekend "off", I don't think it would be so bad.  It's just that he is kind of taken away from me...like last night (Thanksgiving) my family was over and we were all playing games and having a good time- everyone was visiting with my baby boy and enjoying his company...and then his father comes to pick him up.  Everyone has to stop playing and spending time with him so he can go spend time with his daddy.  I understand that we need to split the time up it's just so heartbreaking everytime he leaves with his dad.

 I'm sorry, I know I'm rambling and repeating myself.  I guess I just need someone to talk to.  Someone who has been there and can give me some words of encouragement.  Selfishly, I wish his father would just disappear so I didn't have to feel this way...but that probably isn't going to happen...so someone please help me