my story

jtrayers

I am twenty five years old and I have a 16 month old daughter.  Her father and i were together for almost two years when I found out I was pregnant (I was on the patch).  I cried hysterically when I saw the positive because I was afraid I was not ready, that he was going to think I got pregnant on purpose, and my family would freak out.  He ended up being so excited I was pregnant, my mom was mad but got over it fast, and the rest of my family seemed very happy about me being a mom.  During my pregnancy, there were signs that Her dad had a drinking problem but we were figuring it out.  Finally a couple months after she was born, it was not a question anymore.  He went out with his friends, took MY car without asking, and was supposed to only get two beers and come back by 11pm.  I was in bed by 10pm but woke up at 1am for some reason and he still was not home.  So I checked our bank account to see if he checked out or not yet, to see if I should call him or wait a little longer to see if he came home.  He spent almost 100 dollars there.  I almost cried right then and there because that was our food shopping money, and her formula money.  I called him and he was obliterated.  He came home and tried to pick a fight but I ignored him.  At 7am when she woke up for her bottle, I fed her, got her dressed and ready.  I put her in the car seat and slammed him with my elbow since he was passed out.  i told him I was ready to talk then, and I am pretty sure he was still drunk.  I told him that if he wanted to be apart of my daughter and my life, that was the last night he would ever drink.  He told me I was crazy and I could not tell him what to do.  So I walked out with my daughter and an overnight bag and went to my mom's.  I did not tell anyone what happened except for his mother (who was beyond furious).  He texted me at one point asking me what I was up to.  I told him if he was not going to stop drinking, he better pack up his stuff and get out of the apartment.  after a couple of days of arguing about it, he finally got my point and stopped drinking.  He stopped drinking for 8 months, then started having anxiety and his doctor put him on a medication that his mother reacted badly to.  He ended up acting like bugs were crawling all over him and one night got into a fight with me for no reason and ran to the kitchen floor and rocked back and forth saying he wanted to stab a knife in his arm to make "it all stop".  He then ran out of the house and came back around 3 am (did not drink...just had a "freak out").  He got put on another medication after that, which he took incorrectly and ended up taking off to Hawaii and emptied my bank account, started drinking again and went through some severe highs and lows.  That was in february...since then he has been going back and forth with the drinking and not drinking, wanting to be apart of the family and not wanting to be.  The yoyo has been extremely hard.  Finally, in July, he decided to take himself off all meds and has not had a "freak out" since.  He also made the decision almost two months ago to not drink anymore.  

 So here is where I have no idea what to do.  My family hates him.  I hate him, but still love him.  Since being off the meds, he sounds like who he was before all this bullshit started happening.  He really wants us to get back together and we have been "dating" so to speak.  He wants to go to counseling and started paying off some of our debt that is really my responsibility to pay.  He says its hard for him to be patient waiting on the side lines but wants everything to be at my pace and comfort level. 

I have been wary, but now find myself wanting to give him another chance.  Am I stupid to do so????