When to give up on the relationship

emma7875

Short background:  DH and I have known each other since middle school, not really best buds but we knew each other.  We got married in December of 2008.  He had a 2 1/2 year old son from a previous relationship.  DH and BM were never married.  At first DH and BM took care of all things concerning my stepson, but that slowly started to fade and they both started to rely on me more until it got to the point that I was the main caregiver of SS.  BM is basically not in the picture anymore.  She sees SS, overnnight, about once every two weeks or so.

I had my DS in January 2010 and in September of this year I had my DD.  They are 21 months apart and this would be a difficult task to handle with two involved parents.  My DH has bascially checked out with anything having to do with the kids, including his first son.  DH hasn't helped change diapers for DS since he was about six months old and he has only changed one diaper of DD's in the six weeks since she was born.

He never helps feed, bathe, dress, or generally take care of any of the kids.  And when he does it is only because I have repeadtedly begged him for help to the point of me crying because I am overwhelmed.  And still he complains and b!tches the whole time.  I am tired of being the only one who takes care of my SS, and I am tired of feeling like a single parent to my DS and DD when I have a husband.

He also yells at DS a lot.  I think between my SS and DS that he has forgotten how a 1 1/2 year old acts.  He has no patients, and makes DS cry because he is loud and scary.  He has never "hurt" the kids but I think his anger and temper will be harmful in the longrun.

I am miserable and I feel bad for my kids to have to see me like this.  His lack of support and lack of parenting is really putting a strain on our relationship.  He has also been kind of controlling lately.  I mentioned getting a job (I am currently a SAHM) and he said that if I did, I would be paying for daycare out of my salary, that he would not pay for it.  For me to do that would cost over $500 a week.  I wouldn't be able save any money or have anything left over after daycare, taxes, and necessities.

I am so unhappy.  I have asked him to go to counseling with me and he refuses.  He says there is nothing wrong with him and that I am the one that needs counseling because I am so emotional.  I think he is just trying to deflect so that he doesn't look like the bad guy.  Am I wrong for wanting to leave?