May be odd but, Single mom by choice? LONG

bellabear87

So here's my story-

Me and bf got together 2 1/2 years ago- I was ina relationship with my ex-bf of 6 years- it was an abusive one... Meeting my now bf was like a gateway out so I pretty much ran off with him after a week of meeting him and moved away from my family/life etc.

I have NEVER been single or on my own.. I was single for like 3 months when me and ex were having issues... and I lived with my mom during that time.

Well in the begining me and bf got along good, sex was good, he complimented me, affectionate etc... Something changed along the way and he stopped doing EVERYTHING. He never compliments me never hugs or kisses. It's like we are roommates...

Let me say he is 45 and I am 24- yes I know WTF! I have always dated an older guy, well this time I think I got in too far...

We had DS in Feb. 2011 and were happy (he wasnt planned) before the pregnancy I did have thoughts of leaving because of the stuff mentioned above and we just werent getting along that well.

Well fast forward 8 months and we are in the same boat with a baby...

Anyways, I want to leave him and move back to my moms for awhile until I get situated...the thought of being able to be independent and on my own excites me..

Bf is very upset about this and wants me to gie him another chance to 'change'... Just so you know we have talked about the issues prior and nothing 'changed'.

So I do not think dragging this out even longer will help anything... I am pretty much set on moving on with my life... I feel like this isnt the relationship for me and I really dont see myself in the future with him... I think a lot has to do with the age difference... like we cant hold conversations, sex sucks, he just annoys me.. idk.. lol

So the thing is... where I will be moving to is 2 hours away- he said he wants to fight for custody but I dont think that will happen... He has never taken care of DS for more than like 8 hours... by himself.

So he said we could do every other week switch... Which I guess I am fine with,

I don't want to stay up here where he is because I have no family up here...

Like part of me if scared because I have never been on my own with out a man taking care of me... I have nothing of my own really- he owns the only car (he drives a company truck), he holds my health insurance (but I can probably get state assistance?), I have no money in my bank account... The only assests I have are some designer bags which if I sold I could get like $1500 total for which I do plan on doing...

I don't know why I am writing this, maybe just to vent.

Part of me feels selfish that I want out because I am not happy... Ya know?

But then I feel that if I stay it will just make things worse for everyone...

Anyone have any advice or experiance like this?