do you have room for 1 more?

Mrsmaybebaby

Hello everyone! I've been lurking for several weeks as I've been trying to gather the nerve to admit my marriage is in ruins.

I'm 24, soon to be 25, and have a beautiful 15 month old little boy.  H and I have been married for 2.5 years but we have been together on and off since I was 15.  We were high school sweethearts, dated through college, and got married after we both graduated.  H's family has a strong history of mental illness but being blinded by his smooth talking and my need to "fix" things, I looked past is and never imagined he'd fall in the same footsteps. 

Recently, we've hit rock bottom financially due to his student loans and with a lot of M's medical bills. He's a special needs child so we see multiple specialists every week.  We moved into my parents apartment (attached to their house) after M was born to have extra help and would not have rent or utilities since I was starting graduate school.  

H's anxiety has been getting worse and worse over the past year, hes having multiple panic attacks almost daily over the smallest things, he has undiagnosed manic depression, and what I believe is bipolar or multiple personalities.  He enjoys yelling at me, telling me i'm ruining our marriage, we should have never gotten married or had M, I'm not a submissive wife (hell no I'm not, I've always been an independent, strong willed female) one minute...then 5 minutes later he'll express his love and affection for me wanting to go on lavish vacations. 

We are not on the same page fiscally and he is running our finances into the ground.  He's verbally abusive and has requested on several occasions that he wants a divorce and needs me to file so it makes him look better (really?!?)  

So, I'm done with his issues, I'm done with his craziness, and I have zero desire to deal with his emotional instability.  I have called a lawyer and waiting to hear back.

 

...and on top of this crap, I have a lump in my right breast that I have to go get a mammogram/biopsy next week. If all of this stress brought this one, may the Lord please hold my range back against him!  

Thanks for reading this, if you made it to the end! I totally appreciate any words of advice; if you guys will take 1 more I think I'll be hanging out with you gals!