MIL and baby name vent (long)

firegirle1

Background:  There is a Jewish tradition where you do not name a child after a living relative.  It is not based on biblical law but rather from rabbinical commentary way back in the day.  It became tradition for Ashkenazi Jews   and some Sephardic. 

 

Rewind to almost three years ago.  MH proposes with an AMAZING ring.  It was his grandmother?s 25 anniversary ring and she gave it to him to give to me.  I cannot put into words how much that meant.  I mentioned that I wish there was something I could do to let her know how much special that was to me.  MH suggested that we give our future daughter her name (Ruth) for a middle name.  I mentioned the tradition but he brushed it off (his family is pretty reformed).  We told his mom this idea a few times and she never said anything about it.  So as people do, from time to time, over the next few I thought of names for this hypothetical daughter.  It was always _________ Ruth S.  I was always looking for names the sounded nice with Ruth.  To be honest I got rather attached to the name.  DH and I could never agree on a first name but the middle name was set and it felt right??

 

Fast forward to yesterday.  DH and I went in for our A/S scan and low and be it?s a girl!!! I am looking at this image on the screen and the name just pops into my head.  To my surprise DH agreed! Hurray we have a name!  I go to work and all day am buzzed about baby girl.  I started calling her by that name in my head.  MIL calls me later that evening to say congrats.  I mention how excited I am about the name when she say ?Oh you can?t call her Ruth, there is a Jewish law about that?. No there is a Jewish TRADITION about that not a LAW!  Laws are things like keeping Kosher or not stealing (sarcastically in my head I remember the lobster MIL ate on Rosh Hashanah). 

MIL:  It would upset grandmom if you did that.  I remember having this discussion when DS was born and, well I can?t remember if it was his other grandmom or not, but someone got very upset about naming the child after them.

ME: Oh well can we asked grandmom if it was here? 

MIL:  Oh no.  If it would bother her she would never say.

ME:  Okay?.. is there a reason this is just being brought up TODAY!!

MIL:?..

 

So yes of course we will not use the name if it would upset grandmom (which we can?t ask her about so we will never know)  but honestly it?s been three years. THREE YEARS!!! Why was yesterday the day to say something?  Should this have come up the first time it was mentioned?  Or at the very least when I told her I was PG.  I know it?s stupid but I got attached to the name.  I am really sad to let it go.  I just do not understand why she could not have brought this up one of the 100 times it was mentioned of the past three years.

 

GRRR back to the drawing board. 

 

Side note: my family is more observant and my mom is named after her mom and grandmom!