Talk me off a ledge please...

AmandaJordan1985

...because I'm so sick and tired of thinking about ex. I dreamed about him 3 times this week. He contacted me and started feeding me lines about how good he is doing lately and he's stopped partying and being an idiot. I can't fvcking stand him and I have a mind to call him and tell him just how he makes me feel. He makes me feel sick and disgusted for the way that I acted when we were together. 2 years of my life I will NEVER get back because of him. Thank God I got DS out of all the BS but my God, sometimes I wish he was some one night stand that got me pregnant and I would never have to deal with again. It makes me so mad that he chose his hooker gf over DS last time we visited. The fact that he claims not to be able to afford to come here to see DS but he shoves coke up his nose and beer down his throat every single weekend with a bunch of other junkies. How he tries to make everything my fault. I feel so much guilt because I put DS in a situation like this. I foolishly believed his lies when he said he would change for his son and made zero effort. I'm sorry i'm rambling I just don't know what to do. I'm losing it and every time i'm ok for a while, this creeps up from somewhere. I don't want to feel such ugly feelings towards him and he doesn't deserve to be in my thoughts at all. Some days, it's just hard and I feel like a sh*tty mother for having DS be stuck in the middle.