Daydreaming.....

Luckie519

H and I have been having issues for about 10 months.  We have tried just about everything, and it is not getting any better.  I've wanted to leave, but each time I mention it, it turns into him crying and begging me to give him more time.  He is a good dad, don't get me wrong.  I am lucky in that department.

Monday morning at 2am, I wake up to find him tip toeing around the bed, to my night stand to go through my phone.  I have never done anything behind his back or lied, etc.  He had a "texting/phone" relationship with one of our friends. 

I know it seems awful, but lately, but lately I find myself daydreaming about a life not having to worry about him, out on my own and happy.  I know it will not be all rainbows and puppies and I do not envy anyone who has to put up with the negative aspects of getting a divorce / breaking up with their child's father.  I am scared to death, that if I leave, he will use DS as a weapon against me.

DS is my entire world and I don't want to think about a world that doesn't involve seeing him on a daily basis.  I don't want a messy divorce.  Ideally, I would want things to be amicable.  I just am so scared that I would lose everything. 

Any words of wisdom, ladies?  I would like to hear it from ladies who have already gone through it all.  Thanks!