What was your breaking point? Intro and LONG

Musicmama135

Hi ladies. I have been on TB for quite awhile, and I am posting under an AE. I'm not quite comfortable with everyone I know on TB knowing all this about me. 

I am considering filing for separation with my H. We have been married for almost a year, and we have an almost 18 month old together. I am terrified that if I do this, I will be making a mistake. I don't want to regret this for the rest of my life. I have been lurking on this board for several months now, and someone made the comment that when you leave, you know it's right. That's my problem, I'm just not sure if it's right.

Here's some backstory. We started dating in 2008. When we started dating, H was a pothead. I told him if he ever wanted a relationship, he needed to stop. He agreed.  We got engaged in April of 2009, and got pg in May. It was not a planned pregnancy. It was a rough pregnancy for our relationship, and we decided to postpone the wedding.  Once the baby came, things were really great for awhile. We got married when DC was 6 months old.

Around January this year, H and I were having tons of problems. He told me that he had never stopped smoking pot. He said he had never done it at home, or around the baby, but he still did it when he was out with friends. I flipped out, and told him that we needed to get into marriage counseling, and he needed to get help for his addiction, or I was leaving. He once again agreed. We got into counseling. He decided that he would quit on his own, and I didn't want to push him. A few months later, I found a bottle of Visine in his pants when I was doing laundry. He had not quit. I told him that I was really done, and I moved with the baby to my parents for a few weeks. He was so remorseful, and so heartbroken about not seeing us that he quit cold turkey. So now the drugs are no longer an issue. 

Even though DC was not planned, we always knew we wanted children. 3 or 4. He is now refusing to consider a second child, telling me that he never wants another kid, that it's just another obligation and 18 year commitment. I'm so done with everything. The lying, the changing his mind on huge issues, the wanting to spend more time with his friends that with his baby. He never helps around the house and I feel like I am living with a roommate, not a husband.

Just writing this out made me see that there are so many red flags. I don't know why I haven't left for good yet. I really do love him though, and he is a good dad to our child. I don't know what to do. I know I should leave, but I don't want to make a decision that I will regret later. I love him, and I'm so confused. 

I just started individual counseling, so I am hoping that helps me work through most of this. But, to get back to the point of my post, what was your breaking point? What was the  point where you decided you couldn't do it anymore? And did it feel "right" when you made that decision, or were you scared, hurt and confused?