My story (long)

mr. d's wife

My DH & I have been together for 6 years and married for 4.  Overall he is a great guy - motivated, dedicated, and devoted.  He is also an amazing father - I can't deny that at all.  We moved to my hometown 3 years ago and he started a business.  It has been difficult getting and staying on our feet financially and most of our financial support comes from my paycheck.  I have often times felt that he puts the business and it's finances before our family's.  This is point of contention #1. 

The other thing that has come out in our marriage since having our DD 10 months ago are some character traits of his that I am having a harder time dealing with.  He tends to be very sensitive (aka difficult to be honest with) and needy.  I've tried explaining to him that there are many days by the time I work and take care of our child (regardless of his help), I don't have the energy to give him the attention he requires which he then makes me feel guilty for. 

And, if I'm being totally honest - the next piece of this comes in the form of a former boyfriend/one of my best friends.  We met 13 years ago and haven't been in contact for 7 outside of a few hi or happy birthday emails.  In the past month we have begun emailing again and I've discovered not only do I still have strong feelings for him, but he still has feelings for me too.  I find myself dreaming of a life with him.  We have both expressed an interest in being together and have gone as far as to talk about what our life would be like.  This morning, after a long weekend and a lot of discussions about my marriage with my husband, I spoke to my ex-BF and told him that I need my head to be clear of him while I'm figuring things out with my husband.  We are both under the understanding that we will no longer be communicating and it broke my heart. 

I know I'm doing the right thing by giving my marriage a chance, but I am having a really hard time dealing with the what-ifs of the situation.  A question I've been asking myself recently is, "is that what marriage is supposed to be like?"  Do I just have an unrealistic expectation of what marriage is?

Sorry this was SO long, but I would appreciate any feedback, similar stories, or even criticism from you ladies.  I have lurked on your board for a few months now and would really respect hearing your opinions.