Intro...long...please help

emmaleaf

I'm reposting this from my Dec 2010 board. I need your help and advice, please. Here's my situation:

Ladies, I just posted earlier tonight about my marriage taking a huge toll since the baby. Well, I had no idea what was coming. I'm in shock still as I write this, but I need to reach out to you guys.
Last night my husband and I had a conversation-turned-fight about how tense we've been lately and how distant he's been. I told him he was showing signs of depression, because I know depression and he definitely was. I asked him to go seek therapy with me, and he refused. He was acting so strange, and I ended up asking him to stay with a friend that night to give us some space.
This morning I texted him to talk about working things out. No answer. I texted again. No answer. I called. Straight to voicemail. Finally at 4:30, he called and told me he had flown to NYC. Wtf?? Then it all came out. A month ago he went to his friend's wedding. DD and I couldn't go b/c the friend had said no kids at the wedding (yeah, nice). He told me he met a girl there who lives in NYC and within 2 minutes of talking to her, he knew she was the one for him. He said he's in love with her. I finally got him to say that he wanted a divorce. I'm a wreck. This is so unlike him and we've known each other for 8 years/been married for 3. DD is 6 months old tomorrow. He said he will not be an absent father and that he will support us financially. He is going to stay living here, and when I asked, he told me the girl is going to move here.
Where do I even go from here? My parents are here, thankfully. We're not very close, but they are a support system. And the friends I've told are shocked like me, but supportive. But still, I feel all alone. He left me in limbo with a baby while he's off seeing his new gf. If you knew him, you'd be shocked at this behavior.
 Sorry so long. I'm a mess.

After a few people responded, I added this:

Thank you, girls. I woke up thinking that maybe this was all just a bad dream, even though I knew it was real. My mom stayed here with me last night. I can't see myself living in this house much longer. It's too hard. He comes back tomorrow and we're going to split out our finances. I will be hiring a lawyer because we have the house and of course the baby.

I agree with PP--this does sound like something out of a movie. I never thought this could be my life. I've had two phone conversations with him and he sounds so calm, while I'm the hysterical one. I guess he's had a month to figure this all out. What kind of husband/father can just switch us off like this? And what kind-of woman is okay with having an affair with a married man who has a baby? How can he think this girl is worth throwing us away? 

I know logically that I will get through this, but right now it feels like I'll never recover. I have support, but I still feel so lonely. And I can't stop thinking about him in NYC with this dumb biiitch. 

What do I say to him when he comes home tomorrow? I think I need to get an apartment with DD. Should he stay living here?

If you read this far, thank you, and please help.